1 A New World
by CIlove
Summary: Ginger's an outsider.. she doesnt go well with other kids, she doesn't have any friends. She argues with her father, when he's really the one person she needs the most... Then she leaves for Alaska to study, and thats when she meat the vampires...
1. Loved

**1.**

**Loved**

**b**

**Edward stared intently at me. **

"**Ginny, please?" his eyes, a smoldering gold, focused in on mine. It was impossible to contradict those eyes.**

**I shifted in my pose, getting more comfortable. I wrapped my arms around my knees, legs pulled up against my chest. It was nice to sit on the roof like this, with the evening breeze breathing on our backs. I glanced at Edward. His hair was blowing over his face, but it didn't seem to bother him.**

**My lungs sucked in a large amount of air before slowly letting it back out.**

"**Okay, but please promise you won't tell anyone. You won't, right?"**

**He nodded seriously, but I could easily detect the slightly mocking set of his mouth. His curiosity was getting to him. But still, I didn't find him the type of person to break promises.**

**Once again, I took a deep breath. And then I started talking…**

**/b**

'I remember my first sentence. Of course I do, I was six. Mom and dad were afraid that I suffered from mutism, but then again, that's a weird diagnosis for a six year old. But I was always quiet, I always have been. Anyways, at the age of six, first day of school, my parents and I are standing in my classroom, officially meeting the other children. We lived in a small town, so I already knew all of them, and, unfortunately, they knew me as well.

I have to say that I've never been a great fan of school, although I was one of the greatest students, if I may say so myself. I've always somehow been in clinch with my teachers. Somehow they always seemed to get on my nerves. Don't know how, but it always ended with detention or principals office, despite the good grades. They must've thought I was a big fan of that office or something. I was sent there again, again, again and again.

I remember this one time 7 years ago. It was class. We had an understudy. That was just fabulous. Another trip to the headmaster's office. Great.

"Can you tell us the answer?" the understudy asked me. Why me? That was a really good question. Why couldn't they ever see that I didn't care? School sucked. I'd started reading before talking, and I couldn't see were we were supposed to use what we learned, either. I really didn't get it. At that point I would do anything rather than get an education.

"Well?" the understudy watched me with impatient eyes. She was a young girl, maybe 25 years old, cute. Just a bit taller than me. Her clothing was modern and everything seemed to match. Her hair, short and raven colored, and her eyes were some of the lightest eyes I'd ever seen.

She stared at me. My breath came heavily, and I tried to relax. It was something about other's gaze that just couldn't stand. Normally I just played anonymous and no one really noticed me. But the new ones always did.

I met her gaze.

"C'mon," she said. She left the book she'd just held, one the table. "I don't use to be harsh, but if you don't do as I say you have to go the principal's office," what did I tell you?

I got up from my seat, even if she hadn't said the words yet.

"I'll save you the effort," I said dryly, and walked out of the classroom. My fellow students didn't care, it was regular.'

**b**

**Edward's eyes rested on mine while I spoke, he was serious and his eyes gave the patient I wanted from them. The least thing I needed now was stress. **

**/b**

'The meeting with the principal was the same. Both sat we in each our chair. He, behind a big, wooden desk, with a gaze that burned me. He loved to look at me. I think he knew how bad I wanted him to stop it.

I sat in a regular chair, and stared back at him. My eyes were hard at his, even if he didn't seem to think about it. His expression was rough and he really annoyed me by looking into my eyes. He was one of a kind. On one else wanted to look at me. I think there was something about my tri-colored eyes that others didn't like. Green, blue and brown was obviously not regular colors to see in an eye. I understood them.

I sight heavily. The principal's office was boring. It was an old, sort of school texture over the room, like the one you always see in movies. With old, brown furniture's, which gave it all a gloomy look. Some photos were hanging on the walls, in the same stile as the rest. I sighed again, and started to drum with my nails against the desk.

The door was opened and closed behind me, and the principal got up to greet the one who had entered the room.

"Jacob Black," he said and shook my fathers hand.'

**b**

**Edward froze suddenly and the gaze he gave me really caught me off guard. He looked horrified. **

"**Is Jacob Black… your father?" I nodded slowly. He kept on staring at me. "Are you serious?" he looked at me, as if he believed I was lying. I nodded again, my voice suddenly no where to find. I hesitated. How did he know who he was? **

**Edward ****tightened**** his eyebrows and made himself stiff. He didn't move an inch, but the growl which appeared from his chest was real enough. **

"**Aha, okay, I… that was unexpected…" it sounded awkwardly, because he didn't really believe it. "I… It doesn't matter," he said again. "Just, go on," Edward forced a smile onto his lips. I stared at him, not sure about anything at the moment, but I kept on talking.**

**/b**

' "I'm sorry about interrupting your day like this, but Ginger seem to have a problem with keeping track in class," dad got comfortable in the chair next to mine. His eyes at me while the principal talked. As usual, he didn't understood what was wrong with me. I read it in his eyes. As much as he didn't wanted to admit it, he didn't understand me. He didn't get why I acted like I did. I couldn't really blame him. Who ever understood me?

I exhaled heavily. The principal looked at me with hard eyes, something I didn't enjoy much.

"What's wrong? Has she been restless in class?" I could hear the irony in his voice. Restless? Me?

Dad kept me in sight all the time. His eyes were the only one who didn't annoy me; in fact, his dark eyes were more relaxing on me than anything else.'

**b**

**Again I could feel that Edward had a hard time trying to listen, while I talked this warm about a person he seemed to hate.**

**/b**

' "No, she hasn't been restless, but uneasy. She refuses to answer any teacher if they ask her about something in class,"

"Since when did that became a crime? Seriously, why have you brought me here?" dad's voice was rough and he'd got up from the chair. His hands tightened into fits. They hit the table right in front the principal. The man was still seated and relaxed in his armchair, his gaze cold on my dad.

"That's not exactly why I've brought you here. I think it's time to do something about the situation we find your daughter," I wrinkled my eyebrows. What situation?

"What are you talking about? Ginger has no problem about school. There is no situation!" he was angry. I got up from my chair as well and placed one hand on dad's shoulder. He suddenly turned towards me.

"There is nothing wrong with you, sweet heart!" he placed one hand on each side of my face. He was more than 2 heads taller than me, and bent his neck so it was easier for him to look at me.

"Sit down," I whispered. "Dad, take it easy!" he looked at me for a long time, but settled back down in his seat. The principal had watched us with a relaxed look on his face.

"It may not be a situation, but it's more the fact that she doesn't have any friend. Haven't you thought about it at all? It's important for a girl in the age of 12 to have friends, but I only wanted to mention it. A friend could've been good for Ginger, and maybe it would've improved her behavior as well," dad's face hardened more and more as the principal talked.

"I don't need advice how to raise my own child!" dad interrupted him. The principal gave him a chilly gaze. Dad pressed his teeth together. "Do you think so?"

"That's exactly what I think, and there is nothing wrong about that," the principal said quickly. "I understand if you and your wife want some guidelines. It can't be… easy to have a child as early as you did and…" dad got to his feet and smashed his fists into the table again, only this time it cracked where he hit it, and it fell into two pieces. I jumped from my chair and pulled my dad's sleeve.

"Dad! I think it's time to go home now!" I said quickly, but he didn't move.

"Just because we're young parents, doesn't mean we don't know how to raise our own child!" Dad growled to the man behind the broken table. He didn't even notice me.

"And I'll never hear you say what you just said about my daughter again! Because there is no better human than her! I just want you to know this before you judge her for how she is or how she act!" '

**b**

**I could feel it in my throat. A huge lump that always made me crack in the end. I couldn't stand to think about what he'd said. Everything he thought about me. He maybe didn't understand me, but he'd tried the best he could. And he had loved me. They had loved me. I once had a family. Someone to looked after me, and maybe they missed me right now. **

"**What are you thinking?" Edward asked, his eyes calm. I shook my head and smiled.**

"**Nothing,"**

**/b**

' "And if you're done, it would've been nice to get home," dad grabbed my arm.

When we finally got home he went straight to my mum and told her what the principal had said. She didn't like it, but wasn't really as upset as him.

They discussed it a long time. I was in the kitchen and heard every word of it. They sounded angry, and I couldn't stop thinking that it had been easier for them both if I didn't exist.

I didn't want to hear anymore. I covered my ears with my hands, but it didn't help much. In stead I tried to focus on something around me. Our kitchen was more or less white. Mum had been allowed to design the room herself; you could easily detect that. Everything was white and everything matched. The oven was in silver steel and the refrigerator look like a regular cupboard. It was really cozy in there.

The voices were still noticeable. They were arguing now, but I knew that would quickly end. Dad didn't stand arguing with mum. He was too fond of her. Well, he had imprinted on her, so that wasn't really a big deal. '

**b**

**I fought for trying to keep my face clear. I tightened my jaw and closed my eyes. I didn't like these memories. I wanted to think of them in a good way now that I d****idn't have them anymore. All I could think of was their shouting voices; it hurt me. **

**I missed them too much, it was impossible. It wasn't to believe that I would never see them again. It had only gone one week since my "birth", and I couldn't make myself believe what had happen. It was almost like one of those nightmares where it seemed like you can never wake. **

**Edward noticed. He placed his arms around me and started to rock me slowly back and forth. I exhaled slowly, before speaking again. **

**/b**

'I kept my hands covering my ears; even if it wasn't really effective it helped a bit.

"Hi, honey!" a familiar voice said right behind me. I turned towards him. Grandpa Billy sat in his wheelchair right behind me. He smiled and reached his arms towards me. I got to him, and locked my arms around him. '

**b**

**I gave Edward a quick look. **

"**I know Billy Black," he said calmly and made me keep going.**

**/b**

'Billy was the only one of my grandparents who lived in America. I'd met mum's mother and father some times, but they lived in Norway and hadn't time to come visit too often. My relationship with grandpa was therefore strong.

"What's the matter?" and as his words came so did my tears. I cried and cried onto grandpa's jacket. "Shush, there's nothing to worry about! It will pass, you will see," he whispered in my ear. As if they had heard him, it suddenly went quiet in the next-door room. It was too quiet. I began wondering what was happening.

"Go on, and check what's going on," grandpa blinked to me. He released me. I went quietly to the door into the living-room and opened it just big enough for me to peek in. I watched them a long time. They were heavily kissing, wrapped in each other's arms.

Not all kids enjoyed watching their parents kiss, but there were nothing else I enjoyed more. It only proved how much they loved each other, more than loved! '

**b**

**Edwards exhaled hardly and moved his body, as if he was uncomfortable. I threw him an annoyed look.**

"**Seriously, I don't bother telling you about this, if you're going to act this way," I turned away and was about to jump off the roof. He grabbed my wrist. **

"**Ginny, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that, it's just… weird to hear you talk about this. Did you know that Bella and Jacob were… really close to each other, once?" he hesitated while trying to get the words right. **

"**Are you serious?" I said, I**** sounded just like him some minutes before. Edward closed his eyes and tightened his jaw. His breath came heavily, while he tried to relax. **

"**Yes… I'm serious," he finally said, his voice was unsteady. I couldn't answer. It was so obvious, not strange dad had had such a problem talking about vampires. My eyes flinched from his. I exhaled and kept on talking.**

**/b**

'Some days later I was having a discussion with dad.

"Dad! Why am I not werewolf?" I suddenly asked and I knew it came as a surprise. He breathed heavily. '

**b**

**Edward shifted in his pose. I tried to keep my voice steady, tried not to think about everything in my head. **

**/b**

' "Haven't we talked about this?" he smiled and kept rubbing the plate he held. I put my dry spoon down. I looked him in the eye.

"It's just… Isn't it a bit strange, that you are and not I,"

"We aren't discussing this now," he said, and gave me the last plate. Dad turned, as he wanted to leave the kitchen.

"What are you hiding?" I turned after him. "I know there is a reason. Can't you just tell me?" I left the plate on the counter and hurried after him. He turned around and looked at me. He wrinkled his eyebrows so much that they almost touched each other. His breath came heavily again.

"There is nothing to hide! Some changes, some doesn't. Anyway, you are still too young," he turned again, but I wasn't finished.

"There is something! Can't you just tell me?" I snarled.

"There is nothing to talk about!" He snarled back, just as angry as me now.

"There is something, dad, I can see it! Why don't you trust me?"

"There is nothing to talk about!" he screamed at me. His hands tightened around my shoulders. They were so tight it hurt. He didn't seem to notice that. Tears appeared in my eyes because of the pain, but I didn't care.

"Why can't you just tell me?" I nearly whispered, but I wasn't sure if there were any sound. Amazing that he heard me at all.

"There are no vampires here now," he whispered. I froze. Had I heard right? Vampires? The fear stroked me.

Dad's body shocked hard and control less. His eyes rolled backward. I couldn't see his pupils. I jumped out of reach. He changed. Dad's entire body moved in hard spasms now. He became a wolf.

First changed the bones, then the skin widened and placed itself right, and in the end the fur appeared. All this happened on less than a second. It looked glorious; a gigantic dog appeared just where the human had stand.

"Dad, take it easy!" I whispered calmly to the wolf in front of me. He moved awkward back and forth, looked at me with his black, black eyes. Dad curled together and tightened his muscles. It seemed like he tried to relax. His entire body shocked. A growl appeared from deep down his throat.

Right then mum entered the room. She opened the door and carried with her a basket full of clean laundry. The basket hit the floor, when she saw dad like that, twitching, and like a wolf as well. She turned slowly towards me.

"What happened?" she demanded. I threw a look at her. She gazed harshly at me.

"Nothing," I murmured through clenched teeth. I looked at dad again. He was normal human again, but all his cloths had chinked. He stood half turned away from us, while mum handed him some new pants. He took them.

"What happened?" mum repeated, now to both of us. No one answered. Dad gazed at her, something he always did while she was in the room, while I looked at him. I hadn't understood it yet, not quite. Vampires couldn't, they just couldn't be real. Not that it was naturally that werewolves were real, but I'd always known that fact. It was a part of my life. Vampires? There was a difference. Vampires were mean. They killed people, many every day. '

**b**

**Edward chuckled under his breath. **

"**Thanks, Ginny!" he said dryly. **

**/b**

' "Molly, do you mind go into the living-room? I need to talk to Ginger alone for a sec," dad said quietly, almost a whisper. Mum exhaled, but did as he said. He looked after her till she was entirely out of the room.

When she was out, dad grabbed my hand carefully, but I tried to pull it out of his at once. I didn't like the look he gave me.

"Ginger," he said slowly. "I don't like to… I hate to think about it as much as you do, that… they are real, that any of us are real," he had a hard time finding right words. It wasn't like him. "But it's just the way the world is created, and I would do anything if it would've helped making any difference. I just want you to know that I wouldn't dream about you being a wolf; it's not right. And I don't think you should be so willingly to be one yourself," the last one was a little sour, but I think he'd been happy to have me a werewolf if he saw what I've become,'

**b**

"**What do you mean with that?" Edward raised one of his eyebrows and half smiled. I started laughing. **

"**But do you seriously think its verse being a vampire than a werewolf? That was a real disappointment," I smiled, but didn't bother to answer him.**

**/b**

' "What is it with them that… make you so upset? Why do you hate them so much?" I was careful not to ask too straight, even though I think you can't get any straighter than the question I'd just asked.

His eyes were on mine for a second, before flinching swiftly away again. They were filled with tears. It was horrible watching my dad cry. Why did he act like this? It didn't make any sense then.

He dried the tears swiftly away with one hand, his eyes gazing at me again.

"Don't think about it, Ginger, it's going to be okay," he turned his back to me, and went out of the room.

But I couldn't stop think about it. It got stuck in my brain and wouldn't give me rest in a long time. I started to dream. Dreams I could've made it without. There was blood. Blood, corpses, everything I didn't wanted. I just knew it wasn't the end, I knew it would be more than just dreams: I just knew it. Seems like I was right. '

**b**

"**You shouldn't have been so concerned about vampires. You should've used your life a better way," Edward's eyes gazed at me with a serious expression. I exhaled again. **

**It was true.**

**/b**


	2. Goodbye

**2.**

**Goodbye **

''I think it's almost 3 years ago now.

I looked at myself in the mirror and grinned. It was just the way I wanted it. It was going to be so much fun on school the next day. I remember how I imagined the whole thing. Everyone was going to stare at me, maybe laugh or giggle behind my back. Just as I wanted. But then I would look at them, meet their eyes, make them turn away, make them give up. Because no one would ever meet my eyes. I had kind of a sick humor back then.

The water stream flowed over my hands and left the sink blue from the color. I grabbed the dryer and hair-brusher. My hair wasn't hard to dry. It was really soft and water literally fell off, almost like on a goose.

I brushed my hair harshly; I didn't really care about being careful with it. I stroke one hand through it, and watched my reflection in the mirror. I was pretty pleased. It looked cool; my hair was obviously black, but I'd added blue in the part next to my eyes. It looked different, and awesome.

"Ginger?" dad knocked carefully on the door.

"A minute," I said quickly and washed the rest of the sink so there was no more color covering it. I left the towels in the laundry basket and unlocked the lock so dad could enter the bathroom. He opened the door, only with one towel around his waist. I turned my back towards him.

"Daad!" I shouted embarrassed. He grinned.

"You're not embarrassed for your own dad, are you?" '

b

**Edward started laughing. I shut my mouth, and looked at him with confused eyes. **

"**What?" I started smiling and lowered my gaze so I only looked at my hands. I wasn't used to be a vampire yet, and I still thought I was able to blush. I started laugh a little, but kept on telling. **

**/b**

'"Ha ha!" I laughed sarcastic and turned to walk out of the room.

He suddenly froze with no expression on his face. He stared at me, or rather my hair.

"What… have you done… with your… hair?" he said slowly, as in chock, and stroked my hair with one hand. I grinned.

"Take it easy, dad, it's only in the front. Don't you think it's stylish?" I looked at him with expectation in my eyes.

"Erm… stylish…" he started mumbling something. I chuckled under my breath and went out of the bathroom.

I met mum on my way into the kitchen some hours later.

"Ginger," mum said and stopped just as she saw me. She froze too, only she didn't panic, she started laughing.

"What have you done to your hair?" she said under her breath. She tried to stop laughing, something which she failed completely.

"It's not that funny!" I said angrily. Mum had got the control over herself again.

"Of course not!" she said. "But, please, ask next time you want to color your hair, sunshine!" I smiled. "Dad's still in chock," she started laughing again, and me too.

"Oh, you're so beautiful, honey!" mum smiled and kissed my cheek. I smiled and placed my arms around her.

b

**I wrapped my arms more tightly around my knees and inhaled a lot of air. Why was it like this? Why was I so damn sensitive? I hated it. Hated it! Hated it! **

**Edward looked at me with uneasy eyes. **

"**It's ok, Ginny, just let me know if you don't want to tell me more," **

"**No, no, I'm ok," I said quickly. **

**/b**

'You know, my dad had a huge problem with me going to Alaska, I never knew why.

I got myself a boyfriend some months ago, so I was going with him. I really don't understand why he liked me, but he seemed to be really obsessed with me.

It was so cute. One time, it was class and, I don't know how long we'd been sitting next to each other, but anyway. It was class, and we hadn't ever spoken to each other. I don't know why I didn't notice him before, maybe it was just so natural to me to annoy any contact to other people, I don't know.

Anyway, it was class and I caught him staring at me. He just stared intently at me. I wanted to smack him or something, it was so uncomfortable. So I stared back at him. He was kind of beautiful. His dark skin smooth, and his green eyes were deep. I was hypnotized by them. I'd never seen anything like them ever.

I smiled awkwardly; shy, like I didn't know what to do. When I smiled his eyes lightened. His entire body became happy. That was weird.

"Hi," he whispered. I didn't know what to answer. He gazed at me, kind of disappointed, I think. I didn't like this look at him, so I opened my mouth slowly.

"Hi," I answered, nearly hearable. But he heard me.

I couldn't remember the last time I spoke to someone my age, so it was pretty big for me.

"What is your name?" I whispered suddenly, I think I caught him off guard. His gaze annoyed me a bit, but not nearly as much as it used to.

"Tom," he whispered. "You're Ginger," I didn't know he knew my name, but he did, maybe it was just me being really slow, but then again, there were a few people at my school not knowing who I was. '

b

**I closed my eyes, exhaling slowly. **

"**Are you okay?" Edward asked. I nodded. **

"**Don't think about it," I said, and tried to smile as real as possible. **

**/b**

'But back to Alaska; me and my dad had a huge fight because of that. It think it's a week ago.

"Ginger! We've been talking about this," I turned furious and closed the book I was about to read. I stared at him.

"Yes, we have. And I have made my decision!" I placed the book on the top of the TV. He was not allowed to control me, I wasn't a kid anymore.

Dad gave me a harsh look. His eyes hard and black, I could see my own reflection in them.

"Dad, I'm going to Alaska with Tom, end of discussion!" I said. He kept on looking at me. He tried to make me change my mind, but it didn't help. '

b

"**Why Alaska? Why did you choose Alaska from all the places to study?" it seemed like he panicked, but he still looked peaceful. I wasn't sure what to answer on that one. **

"**I don't know, but I bet I would've been a vampire anyway. I believe you can't change your future anyway what choice you make," I said and stared at my hands. He didn't agree.**

"**That's not true, just ask Alice," he grinned. I shook my head. **

"**I'm so sorry that she can't see anything now that I'm a part of your family. I feel like I ruin for everyone," I exhaled.**

"**Don't say that. She can see everything that hasn't to do with you, and it's ok that she can't see everything. If I can't, I think it's just fair that she can't either," he smiled to me, but I didn't look at him. I felt too terrible to meet his eyes. Instead I continued with my story.**

**/b**

' "What are you so worried about? I bet it's not that many vampires there," that was too unnecessary, but I didn't think about that but after the words had been said. I snapped my mouth shut. How stupid could I be? It wasn't believable that I'd actually said that out loud.

In two steps I was in front of him, tightening my arms around the muscular upper body of my dad.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I didn't mean it!" I knew what a hard time he had thinking about them. I then didn't know what it was, but I was mature enough to know that it didn't matter.

Dad had frozen. He stood right in front of me, while I held my arms around him and tried to erase what I'd just said.

"Why do you think it has anything to do with them?" he said stiff, and removed my arms. His eyes stared at a point behind me. Couldn't he hit me? Scream to me? Do something? The way he act made me panic, I couldn't handle the way he didn't react.

"Dad…" he interrupted me.

"No, of course. You're 19 years old and not a kid anymore; I don't have any rights to decide what's best for you. Juts remember that anyway what you choose, I will always support your decisions," the last I could barely hear. Dad turned around and went out of the living-room. I was left, too mad at myself to do anything but stare after him. '

**b**

**Edward watched me a long time. I stopped talking for a moment and met his gaze.**

"**Did he really have that a hard time thinking about Bella?" I nodded slowly. Edward's eyes moved to the roof beside him. "I haven't thought about that before. I understand how he feels. Really, I do.**

"**You know, I once left Bella, that was before she'd become a vampire, and I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to stop myself if we were too attached to each other. I left her for about 6 months. It's still hard for me to think about. Even now, and it's nearly 22 years ago. I couldn't stand to be away from her then, and I can't imagine how to be away from her any longer," I looked at him with curious eyes. It hit me how perfect they were for each other, how much they loved each other, even when she'd been human they'd stayed together. **

**/b**

' "Next time; shut up! Everything become so much easier that way," I whispered furious to myself.

I dumped down on the couch, studied my hands. They were dark, as always, and tense, like they always became when I was. I tightened them into fits, annoyed by the fact that I hadn't been able to control myself, or my feelings. How could I not use my head like that? I would've said that it wasn't my fault, but of course it was. It was my fault.

Furious with myself, I grabbed the TV-remote, not really interested in watching TV, just the need of something else to think about. I zapped trough the channels and stopped by no reason on Discovery-channel. It was an article about bats. I wanted to switch channel, but something held me back, I don't know exactly what.

The program was really uninteresting and boring. They only talked about bats and different species and info about the animal; so boring. I actually sat and watched a program about flying mice. What was wrong with me? I sighted.

"Vampire-bats are one of many species. This type got its name because they feed by sucking blood from birds or small mammals…" the man from the TV said with clear voice. I stood up from the couch, panicked. This wasn't right. I wanted something else to think about, not to worry more about them.

I grabbed the remote and turned off the TV with shaking hands. My breath came fast and heavily, as if I was tired after running. Why was it like this? It wasn't like me. I think I'd got a little panicked because of my dad. That was the best explanation I could think of. '

b

**I clenched my teeth together. This wasn't like me at all. The way all the feelings threw themselves over me, it was unbearable. I wanted to scream, I wanted to… to do something. **

**It confused me as well. I'd practically never talked to anyone about my feeling before, maybe dad, but that wasn't the same; he never understood me anyway. It was nearly too easy talking with Edward about this. He seemed to understand me. That was the weirdest thing; no one had ever understood me before, not completely. **

**It seemed like he knew what I was thinking, because suddenly he placed his arms around me, tight and secure, like he didn't wanted to loose me. It felt good, to be held like this after all that had happened. I leaned my head against his shoulder, and exhaled slowly. **

**I closed my eyes. **

**Edward moved his mouth to my ear, and whispered: "It's okay, Ginger," it was exactly what I needed to hear. I was tired of being terrified of all the new things around me. It was a new world. My new world and nothing would ever be as it once was, I knew that, but maybe I could get used to that thought. Maybe.**

**Still with Edward's arms around me, my head on his shoulder, I stared talking, slowly and low, but he had not problem hearing me. He was a vampire. **

**/b**

' The next day was the day we were leaving Forks. I left home with mum and Tom, dad was no where to find. All the way to the airport I was terrified that dad maybe wouldn't come to say good bye.

Mum was quiet, and I was afraid that that had to do with dad not joining us. Maybe they'd had a fight. No, that wasn't likely. He loved her too much.

It had to be what I'd told him the day before. Of course it was. It was my fault.

But he did appear. He appeared just minutes before the plane took off.

Something was wrong, that was clear. I didn't care. I ran towards him, threw my hands around his neck and jumped up to place my head on his shoulder. A second he stood completely still, but then he raised his arms and tightened them around me. I crushed my nose against his shoulder and sniffed his sent. I would never, ever forget that smell. It was nothing I could explain, it was just wonderful; it smelled my dad.

I knew how much he hated this, maybe because it was the first time I'd ever left him before, but also because he couldn't look after me in Alaska. There was no way he could be sure nothing happened to me there, so far away from home.

He held me so tight he nearly crushed my ribs. It was good, made me feel safe.

"Promise me to look after your self, baby," he whispered in my ear. I didn't answer, just nodded, but I think he understood anyway. Suddenly I had tears in my eyes. I didn't wanted him to see them. I close my eyes and forced them back in. No way they were going to fall down my cheeks.

"You know how much I love you, baby!" he said again.

"I love you too, dad," I managed to answer this time. He tightened his arms a bit before letting me go.

I ran back to Tom and mum and hugged mum hard before going into the plane. Tom held my hand all the time till we were seated.

I looked out the window. Mum and dad stood there next to the plane. Dad had one arm around mums waist and the other one he used to hold her hand. It is the most beautiful picture of them I've ever seen and I'll never forget it.

The stewardess was starting to show the emergency exits and so on, but I wasn't paying attention to them. I only watched my parents. And as the plane was about to take off, I whispered to them both "Goodbye." '


	3. Dead

**3.**

**Dead**

b

**Edward's arms let me go slowly. It was ok. Even though I was still a little freaked out, I didn't thought I needed any more comfort, yet. **

**/b**

'We arrived Alaska some time later. I wasn't sure how much later. The darkness had however fallen in time we reached the airport. I wonder why I didn't notice that before, maybe I'd fallen asleep; it was late.

But the sky was different. I'd never seen anything like it. Colors, figures, patterns. It flied over the sky, like it wanted to great us. It was beautiful. Everything, a perfect pattern, just for my eyes. That was how I felt. I'd never left Forks before, and I'd never heard of anything this beautiful.

Tom took my hand, just as curious as I. I couldn't take my eyes from the phenomena above us. There were light, pink, green, blue and yellow, and every color you could think of. All the colors in the universe. It was almost like I could stretch out my hand and grab them, almost like they wanted me to dance with them.

A man stood next to us. He studied the sky as well.

"What a beautiful night. I've never seen the Lights act like that before," he smiled and kept on walking.

"What is it?" I asked Tom, men a person behind us answered before he could.

"It's the Northern Lights. You have to be new if you haven't heard about that before," a woman stood behind us. She was dressed in a black suit; a tight blazer with matching skirt and high heals, the shoes were also black. She didn't look particular old. Maybe in the 30s. A bit older. Her hair was black and looked soft.

"Where are you from?" she asked and looked at me with light green eyes. It looked weird in all the black.

"Forks, Washington," Tom answered her; he had apparently not noticed the woman's outfit.

The woman nodded and walked past us. Apparently don't interested in more contact.

"She was nice," I whispered and giggled. Tom smiled and kissed my for-head.

The buss-trip from the airport to the city where the university was, took about an hour. The clock was almost 5am and I was more or less unconscious at the buss. The last thing I remember was Tom kissing me and said that I soon could go to bed. That was weird; it nearly sounded like he was talking to a little child who couldn't keep its eyes open.'

b

**I smiled a bit from the memory. **

**Edward's eyes rested on me while I tried to tell the story how I remembered it. It wasn't easy. I had to take some pauses, either to refresh the memory or breath, so I didn't crack by it.**

**Edward didn't move anymore, and his questioning had stopped. He just looked at me, his eyes calm and serious. **

**/b**

'The next day we got a tour around the school. It was a long day, not so terribly exciting either. Our guide was an old man, close to 60 I think, and he had the most boring voice you could ever imagine.

We'd heard that there was a party for students on the local nightclub, that evening. Tom really wanted to go, meet others and have fun. I didn't. I'd no good feeling for that, but because Tom wanted I joined him, I didn't want to disappoint him.

The nightclub was full of people when we arrived; students on my age or older. There were a lot of noises, those who spoke loud to each other and tried to be louder than the music. They played a song I didn't know, it had good rhythm and I think it was some kind of RnB-song. There were a lot of lights in the room; lights were thrown around in the room in different colors, and there were smoke-machines. Different smoke- and perfume-smells filed the room. The light mixed from green to blue and then to yellow. It looked stylish.

People danced everywhere, and the bar was lighted by red light.

"What do we do now?" I shouted to Tom, tried to be louder than the music. He shrugged.

"Want to go to the bar?" at least I thought he said that. I nodded and he leaded me down to the bar, with one hand on mine. We sat down at two high chairs in front of the bar.

Tom turned around and his gaze flinched around the room.

"Do you mind waiting here? I'm right back," I nodded again. He bowed his head towards me and kissed my lips. He turned away from me and disappeared in all the people on the dance floor. I turned towards the bartender again.

Tom was longer gone than I'd thought he would. I was still at the bar, just a bit more impatient than before.

"What does a beautiful girl, such like yourself, here alone?" I turned quickly towards the man who'd spoke to me. I looked at him.

He'd short hair, and his cheeks where sharp, despite that his face looked childishly soft. He was about 22 years old.

"I'm not alone," I said dryly. He smiled.

"I'm Michael," ha said and looked at me. I hesitated, not sure if I should say my name or not.

"Ginger," I said then.

"Okay, Ginger, do you mind if I buy you something?"

"I don't drink alcohol,"

"Something nonalcoholic?" he said and looked at me with smiling eyes.

"If you really want to," I said, again dryly. He shrugged and turned towards the bartender.

"One diet coke for the lady, and one beer for me," he said and left some dollars at the bar. The bartender nodded and started to fill the glass.

"I really do like regular coke better than diet,"

"You could've said that a bit earlier," Michael said dryly. I shrugged, with a smile on my lips.

"What about you? Are you here alone?" Michael made a face, I wasn't sure what it meant.

"Well, I know a lot of the people here, but I wouldn't say I'm with someone,"

"Oh, okay," the bartender placed the drinks in front of us. Michael paid and I grabbed my glass.

"Are you a student here? I haven't seen you before," Michael gazed at me while drinking. I shacked my head.

"I'm only here on a visit, but I will be after the summer. We were guided around the school this morning, but after that trip I think I might have changed my mind," I smiled and tasted my coke. Michael laughed.

"I understand you. This is my last year here, and I can't wait to get away from this place. Alaska gets quite boring after a time," he drank more of his beer.

I didn't know it was that easy talking to persons who didn't knew me. I had never started over again with anyone, all the people I'd been together with from when I was a kid knew me, and that was also people I didn't like, most of them anyway. To talk to Michael was something completely different. A lot easier.

Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned quickly. It was Tom, he looked furious.

"Hi," I said before he could say anything. "This is…" I was about to say, but he interrupted me.

"You're coming with me. Now!" he growled and grabbed my wrist. He pulled me after him out to the street. It was dark and the stars lightened the sky.

Tom released my arm suddenly, and looked at me, not with furious eyes anymore, just sad.

"What was that?" he demanded. He sounded furious, but I didn't understood what I'd done wrong.

"What do you mean?" my voice sounded small, I thought.

"What I mean? I mean you flirting with a guy you meat 5 minutes ago. What happened to 'I don't talk to other people', Ginger? It's like I don't know you anymore," I got furious. How could he say something like that?

"What exactly do you mean with that? I haven't changed. He asked if I wanted a drink, I said yes, and then he asked if I was a student. What is your problem?" I growled just as annoyed as him now.

Some people walked past us, but it seemed like they didn't thought about us. It was cold, standing like this out on the street, in t-shirt and skirt. Tom didn't notice the cold. He just gazed at me, now with tears in his eyes. That surprised me. But, he overreacted. He didn't need to be this mad. It was nothing.

"Tom," I said calmly and was about to wrap my arms around him. He backed away from me, while shaking his head. He opened his mouth and was about to say something, but he closed it again, and walked away from me, away from the pub.

I stood looking after him; he walked with hard steps down the road and around the corner. I couldn't see him anymore. I didn't want it like that. It wasn't supposed to end that way. If I knew that was the last time I was going to see him I would've walked after him. But I didn't know, and I didn't walk after him. I was thinking about going home, because it felt weird going back in after what had happened, but there was nothing else to do. If I didn't wanted to go home and I didn't wanted to go back in, I had to stand here or walk into the city, and I surely didn't wanted that.

I exhaled, dragged my hand trough my hair. People were starting to look at me. They wondered why I was standing like that alone in the street. I didn't care. I turned and went back in; in to the dim light, in to the music, in to Michael.

He still sat by the bar and looked after me; he smiled when he saw me. I clenched my teeth together. What Tom had said had really upset me. I couldn't understand that he could say something like that.

I sat down next to Michael, but I didn't meet his eyes. I was too upset. My hand grabbed the glass with coke and swallowed it all. There was something wrong, something with the taste. I thought about it a second, before I gazed, too late, into the glass. There, at the bottom, there was a little white spot, or so I believed at first. But when I looked closer I saw what I really was; a part of a pill.

Something inside me froze. A pill, like drug. Cocaine, maybe. I wanted to throw up, but it was too late. It was already inside me.

The world started to dance in front of my eyes, all the colors, all the people, all the music. It was all just a blurry mass around me. It ate me. The drug made me senseless, feeless, and I didn't want to think.

No, it was wrong; I wanted to think, but iIt/i didn't. The new who was me now. iIt/i wanted to do think with my body, my muscles, my senses, things I didn't wanted, and had never done. But in the deepest of chaos, one thing was clear; I should've gone after Tom when I had the chance.

Nothing mattered. I don't remember much, except the strong desire to live, right there, in the noisy dark I couldn't control.'

b

**I started to shake without control. I had to catch my breath too. Everything was so complicated. It had been so terrible, but at the same time I had enjoyed it. No! It wasn't true. It hadn't been me. ****iIt/i had enjoyed it, and I wanted to convince myself about that. But that wasn't the truth. I knew that. I had liked it. That was the truth. **

**Edward gazed uneasy at me, I couldn't see what he was thinking, but it was sure nothing good. **

"**Ginger," he said calmly, but I shushed him.**

"**I'm not done telling," I said and took a deep breath before opening my mouth to talk. **

**/b**

'It kept on, a long time, and it wasn't going to stop, or that was what I felt. Everything that happened, if it did; I didn't trust my senses anymore. Everything was unclear. All the movements, it was like a dream, all the smells, all the lights, every sound, unclear patterns all the way around me.

I wanted to scream, but iIt/i didn't, and iIt/i was me now. iIt/i was in power of my body, and I wasn't allowed to decide anything. Everything happened around me, and it didn't make any sense. Things mixed up. Everything was unclear, everything happened at once. No sense, no rules, just a big nothing.

But in the middle of all this big, colorless nothing something happened. I don't exactly remember…'

**b**

**I was interrupted. A voice called for us, down at the ground in front of the house. **

"**Edward? Ginger?" it was Alice. She stood there and gazed at us. "May I join you?" she looked at me with her big, yellow eyes. Her face was kind. She was probably just bored. I started wonder where Jasper was. They were always together, those two. "What are you guys doing anyway?"**

**Edward's eyes rested on me for a swiftly minute. His eyes calm, as always, while asking me for permission to answer his sister. **

**I half-nodded. Tightened my arms around my knees, and exhaled heavily.**

**Edward didn't loose the sight of me, but he opened his mouth to answer Alice. **

"**We're just talking," he said calmly. I smiled halfhearted over what he'd said; 'we'. **

**Alice jumped up on the ****trashcan standing next to the wall underneath us. From there she grabbed the gutter and pushed her self from the wall with her feet, so she nearly flied through the air and landed standing at the roof in front of us. She just had to teach me that sometime.**

"**Is it okay if I sit down with you?" she asked. I nodded and tried to smile a relaxed smile to her. She smiled back and sat down at the other side of me. "What are you talking about?" her eyes lightened with curiosity. I shrugged.**

**Edward gazed at me, but answered anyway. **

"**Ginger is telling me about her life. Now we're soon at that point where you're entering the picture," he said and sent his sister a playful look. Alice made a face. **

"**Does that mean I missed it all?" she asked and pushed her under-lip out in a cute way. She looked like a kitten. Beautiful and cute, angel-like. Alice was that kind of girl you just wanted to put your arms around and hug. She was incredible beautiful, but cute and helpless at the same time. **

"**I'm afraid so," Edward grinned, but did himself serious when he got the look of the expression in my face. I hope I didn't look as bad as I felt. That must've been a bad sight.**

**Alice looked at me with catty eyes. She'd noticed my uncertainty, and thought it was he fault. **

"**It's ok if you don't want me to listen," she said swiftly and the smile she sent me showed that she only cared about how I felt. "I can go, if that's what you want," she was about to get up, but I grabbed her hand. **

"**No," I said, "Please, stay," she sat down again and left her head at my shoulder. **

**I felt terrible. At the same time as I knew it was wrong, I loved them all so much, and they showed me that they cared about me too. It's awful. It was so unfair; that they kept on showing their love, while I kept on doubt it. What was wrong with me? This was my family now.**

**I exhaled heavily, thought about where I'd stopped last, and started to talk.**

**/b**

'I don't exactly remember if there was something bad or good. I seriously don't remember much.

The one thing I remember the best is the pain. Thousands of pain through my entire body, but there wasn't just one place; it was everywhere, inside and outside.

I can't remember if I was screaming. I probably did. But I remember the dark; the dark, the silence and the pain. Those three were the only things making any difference in my head. I can't explain. There was something about the feeling that made everything wrong. Everything was wrong.

The darkness was the worst. The darkness, it was more than dark. It ate me, as if it was thousands of teeth that were the cause of my pain.

And the silence, it wasn't silence longer. It crawled, moved around me, stroke me with sharp nails.

It wasn't before the drug was gone that I started to understand something. The pain was still there, but not as unbearable as before. And the darkness, it was still dark, but just because I had my eyes closed. And I kept them that way; I wasn't ready to open them yet.

I could feel the street underneath me, knew where I was, and what… what they had done to me. I knew it all, knew everything. I wished I hadn't. It seemed like the pain got verse because I knew what had happened to me. It felt like I died.

A rock was hard towards my shoulder. Feelings. I tried to move, but it didn't work. Nothing listened to me anymore. Not my toes, not my arms, nether my neck, nothing. My muscles were dead and not possible to move.

When I was a kid I believe that the soul didn't die even if the body did, as if there's a person inside the dead body, fighting to get loose, to breathe, to speak, to move, but it doesn't work. The soul is trapped, but it can still hear the people, hear them speak, feel it when they touch the body, but can't reply.

That was how I felt just then, as if I were a prisoner in my own body. I couldn't move, couldn't speak, couldn't do anything. Yes, my body was dead.

I think that's when I felt it; an easy breath from the wind, a light shake in the air around me. I don't know how I knew, I just did. I wasn't alone yet.

A leaf cracked by my right ear. That was when I notice it, a low sound somewhere next to me. I concentrated and I finally understood what it was. It was two voices. They discussed, but there were some minutes before I could catch what they were saying.

They were two of the most beautiful voices I'd ever heard, as if they belonged to angels.

"Rose, we can't just let her lie there?" one of the voices spoke swiftly and I didn't think they knew I could hear them, I wasn't meant to hear them. They spoke too fast for regular human-being, and way too low. I'd never heard anyone talk that low before. I didn't see how I could catch what they said, but I did.'

b

**Alice sighed and smiled. Her eyes met mine. She had compassion in her eyes, just as Edward did. **

**/b**

'The other one, Rose, frowned sourly.

"Of course we can!" she snarled. One of them moved, I could hear some leafs making noises. "I don't want to ruin her life. Alice, look at her. She is so beautiful. We just can't do that to her!"

"It doesn't work, Rosalie, I can't see anything. She's going to die!" there was some more movement, followed by silence.

I didn't understand half of what they'd said. What did they mean? I was dead; I already knew that, but all the other things? It didn't make any sense. What did she mean they couldn't do with me?

I was still, tried to make up my mind about all of it, but nothing happened.

I think I fell asleep, I at least don't remember what happened next, but something did happen. When I got my eyes up, I wasn't in the streets anymore, it wasn't cold, and it wasn't dark. I looked straight up in the most beautiful face I'd ever seen. He stood over me, held my face between his hands. That's when I noticed his eyes, his yellow-gold, cat-alike eyes. They stared right into mine. I felt something warm running down my neck, and that's when it started.

Before, when I lay in the street I thought no bigger pain could exist. I was wrong. This was verse than anything I'd ever felt.

It didn't start in a slow way, like you could've expected, the pain exploded inside me. My whole body was on fire. It felt like that. As is someone had had gas in my veins and added fire.

I stopped to think, stopped to care about anything else than the pain that burned me up inside. I have no idea how long it took. The pain threw me around and it felt like it was going to last for eternity. No part of my body was saved. Fingers, toes, legs, arms, head, neck, belly, chest, heart, everything was a big, black pain. I can't explain how horrible it was.

I think I was screaming. I tried anything to make it go away. I twisted, pulled, hit anything I could, but it didn't help.

At one point I understood where I was. I saw him that first had been standing over me. He stood next to me, and held my arm so I couldn't move. Even if I screamed, he didn't want to help me. I was afraid, angry that he didn't help me. I looked around, and saw more people standing around me. Two boys held my legs, and another one held my other arm.

The pain hit my eyes and I squeezed them shut and clenched my teeth. I was furious. Why didn't they help me? Couldn't they do anything? The pain was unbearable.

It was weird, because the pain was not outside, but inside. I felt that my blood was on fire, not my body. That was the most terrifying fact, what could you do about that? Bud I was sure it was him with the yellow eyes that had the fault. He had done something to me.

Suddenly it stopped, all the flames just disappeared. There was no more blood to burn. I stopped moving, and they let go of me. But I still didn't move. I wasn't tired or anything, but there was something new.

I'd had wrong before, but now I knew it. I was finally dead.


	4. Different

4.

Different 

**b**

**Alice raised her eyebrows and placed her arms around my neck. **

"**Oh, Ginger!" she hugged herself to me. I leaned my cheek against her hair. I shut my eyes. I was still confused over the way I'd talked to them both; it didn't make any sense to me. **

**Alice tightened her arms around me, I liked it. It was nice to have someone to trust, I needed it so much. I'd always trusted in dad, but now that he was no longer here… **

**I loosened my arms from my knees and put them around Alice instead, tried to keep myself calm. My breath came short, and heavily, and I swallowed a lump in my throat. **

**I hoped they could look at me like they looked at each other some day, but I knew it was hard. They'd lived together as a family for a long time, and I felt like an unexpected blind passenger, unwillingly gone aboard on a ship with a crew who didn't want me. They had all lived together so long, almost a century. **

**I knew Edward had become a vampire around the 1920s and Rosalie not very long after that. Carlisle had apparently been a vampire for centuries. It all felt creepy to me. I couldn't possibly figure myself being alive 200 years from now. It was just too long.**

**Alice loosened her arms finally, the same did I. **

**The thirst was there suddenly. I closed my eyes and exhaled, even though I knew it wouldn't help at all. I had by some weird reason forgot it when I was telling my story, but now it came back to me, just as horrible and strong as usual. I hated it; mostly because it made me want to kill people, but it also manipulated me. When I was thirsty, I wasn't my self. I'd never killed anything and I didn't want to. But the thirst made me someone else than the girl I was. I fantasised about ripping off people's head and watch the blood spill all over my self. Sometimes it came to a point when I thought that I'd had the chance to kill Tom, but that thought I swiftly shook off. I wasn't me. **

**And my eyes; they were dark, red, evil. Not green, blue and brown as they'd used to. Carlisle told me I would get golden eyes, such as him self when I learned to control my blood lust, but I was certain that would never happen. I was too thirsty, all the time. **

**The day after my "birth" Edward, Emmett, Jasper, Bella, Rosalie and Alice took me on a hunt. We were hunting penguins and seals, Emmett and Jasper even killed an ice bear. I drank from some penguins; it helped, but just a small bit. The taste of its blood made me even thirstier; thirstier for more blood, better blood. It'd been scary. I could smell the blood from the animals several miles away, and it terrified me what it did to my brain. It was like it called for me. I'd literally thrown my self over the penguin and ripped his head off. I got chills every time I though about it. What monster I'd been, and what monster I would be if I ever meat a human. No, I didn't want to think about it. It was bad enough. **

**Alice got to her feet. The smile she sent me cut right through my heart; it was so thoughtful. I wondered why she got up; was I boring? **

"**Jazz is calling for me," she said when she got the look of my expression. I didn't hear anything. She walked down to the end of the roof and jumped down. Edward smiled and that's when Jasper started calling. I hear the kiss Alice placed on his mouth when she caught him in the front door. **

**Edward and I went inside just after that. None of us had anything to say after Alice had gone. **

**I sat and looked swiftly through the pages at some books Esme had told me to read. It wasn't exciting, but I had nothing else to do. I wished I had a mate, just like the others, or at least someone to share the night with so I didn't needed to be all alone. It was so boring, and there was nothing to do but wait for the morning, wait for the clock to tick closer and closer to the dawn. **

**I got up from the couch, went in to the kitchen, opened some cupboards, sat my self down by the dining table, opened the fridge, closed it, went into the living room, sat down at the couch again and exhaled slowly. I'd never been bored like this before. It was so… completely boring.**

**I got up again. My eyes analyzed the room. They stopped by the piano, which stood next to the south wall, on a step higher that the rest of the floor. I walked towards it; stroke my fingers over the keys. A clear sound appeared and filled the air around me. I'd never thought I was able to make such a sound with my bare hands. It was true I'd never played a piano before, so maybe it was time I did; I had to start somewhere. **

**I sat down in front of it, hesitated, and then placed my one hand slowly over the keys. I breathed heavily before pressing them down carefully. I was careful because I didn't want to break it; I was way to strong for my own good. It was indeed the first time I played, but that didn't seem to stop my fingers. They flew over the keys as they found the right one's to use to make just that sound. **

**It started out slow; it was an quietly, moon clear night. A young couple walked through the knee-tall grass. Hand in hand they walked next to each other. The tones flied around them while they were walking. All of a sudden, it changed to something more. My fingers found the tones to use and kept on painting the pictures in front of my eyes. The two persons kept going over the meadow, and then the music build up to something more; stronger, wilder, more heavily. **

**The man held back the woman. Their eyes met. The music was quiet for a second. Everything was still, frozen. It was a moment where anything could happen. **

**They looked at each other. My fingers flew over the keys while leaving a pattern of perfect tones, as the winds breathe around them. He looked at her, and at the same time as I felt my fingers really starting to work, he bend over and kissed her lips. **

**The music took control now. It was fantastic to listen, it sounded unreal. The music told me the most beautiful story I'd ever heard. There was love, hatred, passion, tears, as real to me as if I'd experienced it myself. The music forced the pictures inside my head.**

**It wasn't for me to decide, and not before the last tone had ended, when my fingers laid dead upon the keys, when the pictures had fallen out of my head, that I understood what'd happened, what I'd done. I'd used the tones to tell a story. A story! It had been me, even though it didn't felt like that. It was so unreal. **

**I sat like this a long time, studying my fingers that lay still upon the keys. **

"**It wasn't me," I whispered, almost as if I tried to convince myself that I really hadn't done it. But who else had?**

**I jumped in my seat when I felt a hand on my shoulder; I'd believed I'd been alone. **

"**Ginger?" Carlisle's voice was kind, as it used to be. I didn't turn.**

"**Ginger? Did you just tell a… a fairytale?" he asked, his voice didn't really believe himself. I was the one sitting by the piano. What did he thought I'd done? **

"**What do you mean?" I then asked. I took my hand off of the piano, and curled them together in my lap. "I just… my fingers just played along," it sounded strange to say it that way, but as my lips said the words I knew they were the truth. **

**His hands kept resting on my shoulders.**

"**Ginger," his voice was still kind. I bowed my head. My eyes were burning as if the tears was about to come out of them and slide down my cheeks. But I couldn't cry, I would never be able to again. **

**I turned around and threw my arms around Carlisle's waist. He was right behind me and when I sat my head reached his chest, but I don't think he bothered. **

**He was completely still, watching me. After a minute he loosened my arms carefully and sat down in front of me.**

"**There is something I need to talk to you about," he whispered, there was no one else to hear anyway. I didn't answer, didn't move, just kept my eyes closed. Carlisle waited, then he started talking. **

"**You are no regular vampire - if there is such a thing -, but I don't think you were like anybody else as a human either. And I tasted the difference in your blood too well; I've never tasted anything like it. You know, for vampires the blood appeals fantastic, glorious, something we – well, they – can't live without, but your blood smelled and tasted wrong, and I believe it was wrong of me to change you. I don't know how or why, but your blood was different than normal human blood, and therefore my venom had a different effect on you; I had to bite you several times before it worked. It would've been fun to know…" I opened my eyes and met his. He interrupted himself. His eyes rested on me for a long moment. I couldn't completely understand his expression; it was a mix by fear, wondering and…**

"**Ginger," he said calmly again, his eyes stared at me and maybe he tried to read my expression as well as I tried to read his. "Is there something you want to talk to me about? Maybe… your parents," **

**I shocked my head. I didn't want to talk to him about them, about anything. It was bad enough that Edward knew all about it, but no one else should need to know; the lesser they knew, the better. I didn't need to tell anybody else anything. **

"**Okay," Carlisle said calmly. "Then I'll talk and you'll listen. You don't need to say anything if you don't want to," he hesitated for a second, as if he didn't know what to say or how to say it. It was strange; he looked too fabulous to be unsecure. **

"**The strange thing is that I've just felt your kind of smell once before, and it is 21 years since I did, and I had hoped to keep it that way. That was the weirdest thing I'd ever smelled, but I was fascinated by it because it was something different than human and something different that us. It was partly animal and partly human, just the way we are, but it was still completely different from us. We are the predators that the humans fear. These creatures were the protectors of human, and therefore our natural enemies. **

**I didn't mean anything special when I asked if you wanted to talk about your parents. I thought maybe you had problems getting used to 'this', and that you could need someone to talk about it with; I'm open for conversations if you want," his eyes were kind. Their ****smoldering gold color locked at me all the time and I stared back at him.**

**What he said didn't make much sense to me; what did he want with all this? This talk about my parents, it sounded fixed up, like something he'd practiced in right before saying them out loud. I didn't like it.**

**I thought about it all a long second before answering him, even though he didn't command any. **

"**My mum, she's from Norway," I said slowly, carefully weighing all the words before letting them out. I don't know why I felt like being careful, something told me it was better that way. "She and my… dad, met when she moved to where he lived when they both were 18. At the first day she was there, they got a look of each other and…" I trailed off. It was just so hard to think about. I could feel my eyes burning. I hated this. I shouldn't need to tell him this. He didn't understand anything. **

**I hesitated and tried to stop my eyes from aching. "And there were love by first sight. You know, I've always been the black sheep, the one no one liked, and I enjoyed it; I was different. I thought maybe they were afraid of me because I was different, but I don't know…" I stopped. I really didn't want to talk about it. I clenched my teeth together behind my lips and dropped my gaze from his eyes to my finger nails.**

**I'd always bit my nails, but not once at this very weird, very wrong week, the longest in my life. Therefore my nails were long and sharp, it was nearly uncomfortable. I used my thumbnail to jerk off the white part of the nail on my forefinger. It looked strange and wrong next to all the other fingers, but better, in its own way. **

**Carlisle put his one hand under my chin and raised my head, so I had to meet his eyes. **

"**Ginger," he said slowly, as if he was about to ask a question. I didn't want to listen to him. "Your father…." I clenched my teeth together as he said the first two words and pressed my hands over my ears; I was not listening to him anymore. I knew that he knew everything now, how stupid and uncareful I'd been. I guessed there wouldn't take long before everyone knew. **

**He placed his hands over mine and moved his face so our noses were only inches away from each other. And even though my hands covered my ears I could hear one of the words he said clearly as if he was screaming it to me; werewolf. **


	5. JACOB: The missing piece

5.

JACOB: 

The Missing Piece 

**b **

**We never dream about ever loosing those who are closest to us - nether did I – but that never save us when it happens. When it happens, it strike like… I'm near to say an unexpected surprise, but that's not even close. To loose someone you love more than anything else in the entire world, it's… unbearable. It's something you should never imagine, and definitely never ever experience; it's something you don't even wish for your worst enemies. It was like that to me. **

**The doorbell rang several times. It got on my nerves. I'd been really cranky since I'd left Ginger on the airport. I didn't enjoy the idea much. She was just my little girl, not ready to leave the nest at all. It had been 3 days since she left and she hadn't called once, and she didn't answer her phone either. I was going to kill her, whenever she called me back.**

**Molly got to the door; she opened and outside there were three policemen standing. I didn't like it. Maybe it was just Charlie coming to visit dad, but he didn't use to bring the whole force anyway. **

**I rose from the couch to come stand next to my wife. I was right, it was Charlie, but he wasn't visiting dad, he was coming with news to me. **

**Charlie was an old man, good over 70 now, but it didn't seem to stop his will to keep the town tidy. After Bella had left town, for over 20 years ago, he'd been more willing to do his work; maybe he used the work as an excuse to think about something else than what he'd thought was an horrible event for his little girl. It gave me chills thinking about it; I would never let something like that happen to my little girl. **

**Charlie's face changed when he got the look of me. His face had at all looked horrible, but when his eyes met mine it was like something inside him fell apart. I wrinkled my eyebrows; I didn't like the way he looked at me. **

**After a long second his gaze fell away from mine.**

"**Charlie," I said alarmed. "What is it?" I stared at him. My teeth clenched together in a reflex; there was definitely something wrong.**

"**Jacob," he said and then he hesitated. **

"**What?!" I yelled at him. Couldn't he just say it? It burned in my head with all this insecurity.**

"**Your… the police in Alaska just called. They… they can't… Ginger is missing…" he finally said. It hit me like a leg in the stomach, not that it would've hurt me much; my werewolf strength was still intact and nothing really hurt me, but that wasn't the point. **

**I couldn't breathe. My heart stopped beating. Those three words were enough to kill me. Everything I'd feared, everything I'd protected her from had happened the one time I'd given her some space. It wasn't believable. I couldn't understand what had happened. It couldn't be true! **

**I stood frozen for several minutes. Molly grabbed my arm and hugged herself to me. She hid her face in my shirt and I could feel her shoulders shaking. I couldn't move, it was so unreal.**

**I heard Molly's quiet crying. My eyes were aching; a silent tear found its way down my cheek. My arms tightened themselves around Molly. I closed my eyes quietly; nothing mattered anymore. **

"**They will find her," I said, as if I tried to make her feel better. It wouldn't help me; I couldn't make myself believe my own words, even if I tried. **

**Charlie hadn't gone before some hour later; he talked low voiced with dad about it. I didn't want to hear it. My girl, my Ginger, she was gone. I could feel it, even if I tried to think that she just had got lost in the forest, but she would never have done that. She had too good an instinct to get lost in a forest. She was a werewolf's daughter, she knew forests, and she would've followed the sounds and…**

**Molly's head rose to look at me. We sat on the couch, both trying to realize everything, both aware that our girl was gone. Her eyes were all red because of her tears, and it only made me feel worse; it was my fault she was like this now. If I hadn't… **

"**Jacob," she said. Her voice cracked, the tears had the control of it. I couldn't stand the look of her like this; it was my fault! Her tears, her red eyes, her voice, the hole inside both of us, the pain, it was MY entire fault! I shouldn't have let her go, she had been too young, she had been my responsibility, and it was my fault that she now was gone. **

"**Jacob, they will find her!" Molly said in that I-want-it-to-be-true-tone. It was unbearable. Why had this happened to me? What had I done to disserve this? I didn't want to see the girl I loved look this horrible. It was not right! Wasn't she the one I'd imprinted on? Wasn't I supposed to take care of her? Why couldn't I do that then?**

**I bowed down over her and hugged her tightly to my chest. My lips found hers and I kissed her harshly. I would never let her go. **

"**She will be alright," Molly muttered against my neck. I stroke her hair with one hand, while hugging her tightly to my chest with the other. She was shivering; her entire body moved in quick spasms. I closed my eyes.**

**Charlie stood behind me, he had done in some moments. I could feel his hesitating; this was like déjà vu for him, only last time it had been him. It was weird that two of the persons I loved most in this world had left me this close together. I didn't want to think about it; to bring Bella into this once again would only make everything worse. **

**Almost like he'd heard me he placed his hand lightly on my shoulder. I didn't move, didn't wanted to disturb him. **

"**It will be okay, Jacob," he whispered and I don't think it was the meaning for me to hear him. "It will be okay," he removed his hand and walked out the door. **

**The day went quietly off. At some time the sun decided to go down, so it did, and the big, white moon took its position on the black night sky. That was enough to get the tear flow out of my eyes; the twilight had been Ginger's favorite hour of the day. To see this with the knowledge that she wasn't here to see it with me, and that I would never see it with her ever again, was unbearable. The best thing Ginger liked to do was to ride my back through the forests or down the beaches with this pink, yellow, red light in front of us. **

**One tear ripped from my eye and rolled down my cheek. I didn't make any sound. I had to be strong for Molly, I needed her. I loved her. She was my whole life now, the way the both of them had been for only days ago. Now she had to take over, and she had to restore the missing piece of me that had faded away together with our beautiful daughter.**

**I closed my eyes and leaned my forehead against Molly's hair. She had to. She had to save me. Her smell filled my nose, my head, my body; the smell that was almost identical to Ginger's. She'd had her beauty from her mother; her beauty, her body, her smell. Everything about Ginger had screamed Molly, everything except my skin tone and my hair. Her hair had been as dark as the night, her skin, as soft as a kitten's fur. She was gone. **

**We stayed there on the couch all night. Molly fell early asleep, I couldn't. How could I? Everything were going on and on inside my head. I needed to think, needed to realize everything. I wasn't going to see my baby again. **

**Charlie had told dad that they were still searching for her in Alaska, still hoping. But I was done pretending. No need for that, they wouldn't find her even how long they searched. She would be gone. Maybe they just searched for her body, even if the hope were gone; they had to find the body somewhere. **

**What would we do now? Everything was lost. **

**Suddenly I felt like moving; I wanted to run. I carefully got to my feet, lifting Molly off my lap and carried her back to our bed. She made no sound as I moved swiftly out from the room and closed the door. I exhaled. It was harder than expected to leave her in this fragile state; she lunged after love. But I wouldn't be gone long, I promised myself, just to get some air under my paws; she wouldn't notice.**

**I walked through the house and out the back door. I hesitated for a moment, but I had no choice. I needed to figure out things, things I couldn't do in human form. My wolf brain was the only thing I needed now; an instinctive brain that only thought what it thought was the right. **

**The moment I walked out of the door I changed, and the forest became alive once again; I could hear all the insects around me, all the birds, all the trees and all the plants, all the sounds that I never heard with my week, unusable human ears. Nothing good about them, they didn't even catch the loudest sounds in the forest; it seemed dead for a humans ear. I felt bad for the people who were never able to hear all the sounds around them, to not be a part of this perfect world that we lived in. They were too death to acknowledge it. **

**I closed my eyes; felt the muscles in my body, let them lead me where ever my animal brain told them to. **

**Suddenly my human brain understood what my animal me was following. It was a scent, I didn't know from what or why I was following it, I just did. Maybe my animal brain understood more than it wanted me to know. Maybe I just wanted something to calm me down. I didn't know, I didn't care.**

**The sound and smell of the sea hung in my ears and nose, it was the most calming smell, after…**

**I froze at the sight that met me. There, at the beach only meters away from me, my best friend stood with his wife and son. **

**Clair laughed happily and lifted her son high to the sky. Quill laughed with them both, his face as a happy father should have it. His eyes locked at his son, Jake – in fact, he was named after me – and his beautiful wife, the way an imprinted werewolf always looked at his once and only love. There you could see a family, a right, lovable family, the way mine had been once. But where one missing piece had teared it all apart.**

**What did they do up this early anyway? Wasn't it a bit early for a trip to the beach? But I guessed it made more sense than first expected; Quill had once told me that he and his family often took such trips, to see the sun as it appears in the early of dawn. It was so wonderful. He was so happy, nothing could possibly ruin this moment for him. Quill was the perfect family dad, he had accomplished to keep his little family safe, the way I hadn't.**

**I couldn't stop a growl from appearing deep down in my throat; it wasn't that I was angry with him, or his family, it was me who was the fault. I, who couldn't even take care of my only child. I knew from this moment I wouldn't think of myself as a man again, and never a pride wolf. I'd failed.**

**Quill turned swiftly at the sound of me, and started smiling; he knew that sound better than anyone. He started to take some steps towards me, but as he walked towards me, I backed more and more into the darkness of the trees around me. **

"**Jake?" he whispered, more unsure now, not as if he wondered if it was me, but he was startled by the way I responded on his contact. I closed my eyes and couldn't stop another growl. My heart hurt, it hurt so much my chest could barely bear it. Even though wolves can't cry, not real ones, I apparently could. A tear, followed by another, left my eye and flowed down into the fur that surrounded it. **

**I didn't know if it was the tear he saw or that he was just too upset, but he changed. It wasn't bearable. He shouldn't hear my thoughts. It was not right. They were my thoughts and he shouldn't be startled by the bad news, his happiness shouldn't be mine to remove because of what had happened to me. It was wrong! **

**i**_**Jacob! What's wrong?/i **_**he sounded just as upset as his looks had told me a second before. I closed my eyes. He could figure it out himself; I was not the one to answer him! **

**i**_**Jake! Can't you…?/i **_**he trailed off as he read my thoughts and understood it, everything that had happened. Even how much I want I couldn't stop thinking about it, about everything; Charlie's expression, Molly's cry against my chest, the feeling of the emptiness inside me, and the great sorrow of that one missing piece in my life, that had been my whole and every reason to take the next breath. Everything of that he now knew. Oh, I wish I could've spared him for it, he didn't needed to see how it felt like loosing the one you held dearest. He shouldn't…**

**i**_**Oh, Jacob! Why haven't you told me? You should've called the same second you knew about… /i **_**he went quiet as he tried to figure out everything. It was a hard time for him. I didn't blame him; I wouldn't have let anyone inside my head, and feel all of this. It was inhumanly to know these emotions. **

**i**_**Don't think about it, Quill! I don't need your words…/i **_**it sounded way harder than I felt, but it was the truth. I really didn't need any words to help me out on this; it was only me who could do anything about it. **

**i**_**You're not alone on this one, Jacob. It's not your fault! It had nothing to do with you! /i**_** the words were like fire to my skin; it hurt like hell, and it was totally unnaturally. I clenched my teeth. How could he say something like that? i**_**IT'S THE TRUTH! /i **_**he growled inside my head. My head flinched away from his direction; I didn't want his words! **

**i **_**IT DOESN'T MATTER! She was MY responsibility, but I didn't help her, I couldn't do anything to help her! Why? Why was she my responsibility if I couldn't do the job…? /i **_**it started out angrily, but ended in a whisper. I couldn't think anymore. A raindrop fell from the sky and hit the ground in front of me, and it didn't took long before it came hardly down on both of us. **

**Clair had noticed her husband. She took her sons one hand and followed him down to his dad, who was now a big wolf. It didn't seem to scare the little guy. He laughed and clenched his little arms around Quill's left foreleg. Jake laughed, like only a child could – he was almost 4 now, he was born the year Ginger turned fifteen. His little hands held tight around his father. The tears filled my eyes once more, it was horrible to watch. **

"**What's wrong, dear?" Clair said in her clear, light voice. Quill didn't turn to her, he kept his eyes on me; he was the only one who could see me, the trees hide me too good for Clair's human eyes, but Quill's wolf eyes could easily detect the shape inside the forest.**

**Quill whined highly, but I closed my eyes and lowered my head. No matter what happened, I would always have him, I knew that. **

**i**_**That's right, Jacob! You'll always have me, so, please, let me help you with this! /i **_**he attended to smile, at least he smiled with his thoughts, but I couldn't return it. I didn't know how to smile anymore. The happiness, the smile, the laughter, everything, it had abandoned me. Everything I were, everything I'd been was now gone; the laughter that had been such a great part of my life, was no longer anywhere to find. It was the missing piece. I couldn't live without it, even how hard I tried, she had been a piece of me, and now it was gone. /b **


	6. JACOB: Open up, let me in

6.

JACOB:

Open up, let me in 

**b**

**Wind. Smell. Trees. Leaves. There was not much more than those kinds of information my animal brain allowed me to think about. Maybe that was why I changed so much; I got in my own world, learned to live like the wolf, think like one, act and react like one. It felt well, not to i**_**have**_**/i to think about her, about my life in this strange, unfamiliar new way of living, for my wife and me. 9 months. 9 months had gone after we'd heard the news from Alaska.**

**Molly. Oh, how I wanted her to feel better, to be able to help her out of that terrible, terrible state she was in. How hard I wanted her to have the same possibilities as me, to learn to never think about it, but she couldn't. I wish it was like that for me as well, it was too unfair that I had that little thing to help me solve the problem. **

**My paws touched the ground again and again, paw after paw. The pattern of motion and sound had become too familiar to me. It was nearly scary. I knew exactly how to put my feet, without having to think about it. It just happened. **

**The house suddenly appeared in front of me. I slowed down to a trot as I reached the house. As I reached the porch I changed. There was a basket with some clothes; I'd left them there when I'd left earlier. I pulled on some trousers, didn't bother to take a t-shirt as well. **

**Inside Molly sat placed at one of the couches in our living room. Her expression was blank, the same she'd had since the day… **

**She didn't even look at me as I walked to stand in front of her. I stretched out to touch her hair with my hand, but hers caught it before it got so far. She pulled it to her face, dragging me closer to her. She clenched herself to my hand, hugged it to her cheek. Her warmth was wonderful, even though I was too hot than any human should be, I could also feel her warm, smooth skin. **

**Suddenly she let go of my hand, and threw her arms around my waist instead. Her breathe felt hot on my stomach. She started to shake once again, and I felt a warm, wet tear on my skin. I bend my knees to sit face to face to her, but her arms were tight around my neck before I could see her eyes. **

**I left one hand on her hair, holding her tight to me. There was nothing else in this universe I hated more than this; how I couldn't do anything about her sorrow, and surely couldn't be much as a support either. I felt totally lost; I should've been able to support her, at least make her feel better. But I hadn't, not once at 9 months had I accomplished to lighten her sorrow. I was useless.**

**Molly's crying died slowly out, as it always did. But something was wrong; I could feel it on the way she tried too hard to keep from crying, as if she tried to tell me something. **

"**What is it, Molly?" I whispered lightly in her ear. She tightened her arms around my neck more and more. She hesitated for a moment, but then spoke in a weak whisper. **

"**I can't do this anymore, Jacob," my heart started to race as she said the words. What did she mean 'i**_**can't do this anymore/i'**_**? **

"**You don't mean…" my voice trailed off. She shocked her head. **

"**I can't do i**_**this/i**_** anymore. I can't sit here while you're out running the paws of yourself. I can't!" her voice sounded desperate. She raised her head from my shoulder to look me in the eyes. Her eyes were red from all the crying, and full of concern. "You have no idea how hard this is for me. I can't sit here any longer, I have to do something!" **

"**What do you want to do? Tell me, I will give you everything you ask for. Molly, you know I only want the best for you!" I placed my hands on both sides of her face, and pressed my nose against hers. **

**Her eyes moved, away from mine, like she didn't like to look me in the face.**

"**If you do want the best for me, for us, why do you keep changing? What does that help? Jacob, we have to stand together on this, but I can't as long as you keep pushing me away," **

"**I don't push you away! I… I..." I couldn't find the right words to use. It was so complicated; couldn't she see that I needed to find the way to solve it my own way? I needed that freedom. "I need to figure out things."**

"**Why can't you for once talk to me about it? Don't you think I will understand, or do you maybe think I don't care about you?" she slid her arms under mine, and pushed me closer to her. "I do, Jacob, I do! As I have told you so many times before; I love you more than anything in the entire world, but I can't do anything as long as you keep the distance between us. You have to let me in!" She leaned her forehead against mine, and closed her eyes. **

**My mouth made an unwilling grimace. A tear rolled down my left cheek. Molly reached out to stroke it away. I caught her hand before she could do it; I pushed it to my face as she had done with mine some minutes before. **

"**I can't," I whispered as low as I didn't thought she could hear it. "I just… can't! There's nothing to explain, it's just the way it is. Try to understand," I bowed my head, so she couldn't see my expression. She jerked her hand free from mine. **

"**Why? Why can't you, Jacob? I guess you have a damn good explanation as well," she said fast and furious. Oh, I wished she wouldn't scream to me. I was not in the mood for that now. **

"**Molly," I said low, but she wouldn't listen to me. **

"**You know what; I'm sick and tired of you having so damn many secrets, you don't want, or 'i**_**don't know how**_**/i' to tell to me," she hesitated for moment. Her cheeks were wet; the tears kept coming from her eyes. They were already red from the crying. **

**Her hands were at my face again, her mouth found mine. It was as surprising to me as it was to her; she pulled herself out of my reach at once. Her hands were still on my cheeks, and I closed my eyes. A quiet moment like this with her, was something I'd lunged for in a long time. **

"**Molly," I said under my breathe, after a while. I reached my arms out to hold around her, and she obeyed. She moved herself into them; let me hug her tightly to my chest. **

"**I miss you, sunshine," Molly whispered, her face leaned to my chest, so I couldn't see her expression, but I could hear the tears in her voice. Sunshine was the nickname she'd had on Ginger. Her name stung inside me. It was too hard to think about. **

**My arms tightened around my wife, as I tried to fight the tears in my own eyes. She was so weak, so fragile, and I just had to protect her, whatever happened next. **

**Another month and another one went past faster than I would've imagined. It was strange how time passed when you had nothing else to do than think about one thing, or rather try to not think. **

**We were silent, never spoke more than we needed to, and if we spoke more than we used to it was normally in a fight. It hurt me unbearable to have to have a fight with my wife whom I loved so deeply, but I did it anyway. Everything always led to a fight. I don't know why, it just did. Something led to something or something else, but it always ended in a fight. Sometimes it started out with me blaming myself for what happened to Ginger; that happened most of the time in fact. **

"**You can't blame yourself, Jacob!" Molly cried out in despair. "It is NOT your fault! Why do you have to be so damn stubborn? Do you think you make it any less harder for me when you say such things?" **

**We was in the kitchen, just finished our supper together. I had the plates in my hand and was about to put them into the dishwasher. I'd been quiet all day; no day went past without thinking about my baby. **

**She dropped her arms, which she had placed over her chest, her eyebrows pulled together in a sad, but still mad grimace. I tightened my hands into fists, while standing completely still, leaning my back to the fridge. **

"**There's nothing else to do, it was my fault!" I growled, my head bend forward so she couldn't see my expression. "I don't discuss this, Amalie, it's just the way it is." I never used her real name, besides when I was angry, it wasn't nice, and it felt wrong. But I wasn't mad at her, I was mad at myself, and she knew that.**

"**The hell it is! Damn you, Jacob, can't you stop being so selfish? This is not just about you, and that is something you got to deal with!" she moved herself to stand in front of me. She stood on her toes to get closer to my face; her hand grabbed my chin, and forced my head down, so I had to look into her eyes. "Listen to me, Jacob Black; I don't know what is wrong with you, or where you get that stupid idea from, because you had nothing to do with what happened, and it will not get any better by blaming yourself!" **

"**That's my point, exact! I didn't do anything, I wasn't there to save her!"**

"**Is that your problem? You didn't save her? Jacob, honey, it wasn't your responsibility. No one expect you to save everyone you love! **

**Is it the same with me? Do you think I am your responsibility as well?" she looked at me with sympathy in her eyes. She removed her hand from my face and placed both her arms around my neck, and leaned her head to my chest. I placed my arms around her as well, tried to keep her safe. **

"**You don't have to save me, Jacob! I love you, but you shouldn't put it all on your own shoulders. Please, open your heart for me; let me in. Together we can do anything!" Molly whispered calmly. Her voice was like a lullaby for me, in that soft, friendly state it almost always was, except when I made her mad, or sad. **

"**I'm tired, Jacob, I'm tired of fighting," I tightened my arms around her, pushing my lips down into her hair. **

"**I know, baby, I know, me too," I breathed into her hair. **

**I heard the wheels behind us, but didn't bother to meet my father's gaze. He stopped as he got the look of us.**

"**Oh, I am sorry. Seems like I caught you in a discussion. I'll leave you two alone," Billy seemed to enjoy the scene he'd entered, and chuckled under his breath. It was understandable; I don't think he enjoyed having us fighting all the time. It was not often we gave any attention to each other this way. All of us enjoyed it. "And by the way, Jacob, your sisters are coming next weekend. Your parents come too, right, Amalie?" Billy always used Molly's full name, he seemed to like it better, maybe because it was Norwegian and different. **

"**Yeah, they'll be here," she smiled to my dad. "They're looking forward to it," she said, and jumped up to kiss my lips. **

"**Good, good. I'm so glad they do, we need some light in here again, and I think Hanne will do it; she always makes me laugh." Billy loved Molly's parents; they were always laughing so well together, and I have to admit that they were nice people, not unlike their daughter. **

"**And, Amalie, what do you wish for your birthday? I'll have Jacob drag me to the store to buy you something really expensive. What do you think about that?" Billy smiled his warm smile and winked to Molly. She laughed and shock her head. **

"**No, you are not! I don't need anything special; you just buy something you think is nice. What comes from the heart is the most important, right!" she took my hand and squeezed it lightly. The smile she sent me, washed a warm breeze through my veins. **

**Molly's birthday was a success. Everyone was of course terribly sorry about our loss; Hanne cried when she met us on the airport, she told us that her husband couldn't come, by several reasons. My sisters entered with their husbands, and they were also quiet and didn't quite know what to say when they met us. **

**It was at all pretty hard for all of them, because they had their own children, and they understood how hard it had to be for us, but that made them also try harder to make it easier. **

**They laughed with us, told jokes. The men told us about their jobs. Hanne told them about her new idea for songs. She'd started writing songs for others; she said she was too old for singing them herself, but then Billy assured her that she was not. "You are not too old for anything unless you're stuck in a wheelchair and you can't even go to the store to buy your daughter-in-law a gift, without having your son to help you out!" everyone got a good laughter after that one. **

**My sisters wanted to go back to their homes the next days; it was understandable. It was too hard for them to deal with our sorrow, and still keep up the small talk in a relaxed way. **

**Hanne stayed some more days. She wanted to stay with her daughter. Of course she did, the same as I would've wanted, if that had been a possibility. **

**The clinging sound of glass hitting glass filled our kitchen as I walked in the door; Molly was taking plates out of the dishwasher. She stood with her back to me, and one plate in each hand, which she was about to put into place in the cupboard right above the sink. The clinging- sound appeared again as she dropped the plates, in a swiftly motion, on top of each other, and all the other plates that were placed there just minutes before. **

**I leaned my back towards the doorframe, waiting for her to be done. It didn't take long before she finished the job by placing the last plate in the cupboard, before closing it. **

**Molly turned around, and jumped as she saw me, clearly completely unaware of my presence. She smiled her week half-smile. It was not pleasant to see on her face; she looked so fragile. **

"**Hi, love," I whispered and walked over the floor to her. I wrapped my arms around her waist to pull her up so I could easily kiss her soft lips, without having to bend over. She giggled; it sounded like a choir of angels, so much different and wrong compared to her usual state. I loved it. **

**It didn't really feel like the right time to drop the bomb, but I had no other choice. The sooner, the better. **

"**Molly," I started out, not sure how to say such a thing without hurting her. "Molly, I'm going to Alaska," it was harsh to just say it like that, like it was something ordinary, like I was going to the supermarket or something. I guess I'd thought it was going to get easier that way, for both of us. **

**She jerked herself out of my grip, and sighed.**

"**Jacob," she said in despair. "Can't you pull yourself together? I know it's hard, but, honey, she is gone! You have to realize that. What different will it make if you go to Alaska now?" she shaped her hands around my cheeks, her eyes burned into mine, while trying to understand my expression, at the same time as I tried to understand hers. **

"**Jacob," Molly breathed against my chest, as she understood that I meant serious. She pushed her forehead against my chest in agony. "Why do you keep doing this to me?" she lifted her head to look into my eyes. Her expression was twisted in pain and fear, and I would've done anything to make this look go away, but I had to do this. **

"**Does it make you happy? I don't understand how something like that can make you happy; I should make you happy," the last sentence was a whisper, and bright tears filled her eyes. **

**I was stunned. How could she say such things?**

"**You make me happy, honey!" I assured her. "This has nothing to do with that. How could you even think such a thing? You make me more happy than anything in my life," I chose my words wisely, saying 'in my life' as nothing present in my life could make me more happy, but there were one who had, or not made me more happy, but she had completed us, as a family. Without her something was missing, and it couldn't be as it had been once, not without her.**

**I left for Alaska already the next day. It wasn't like I enjoyed leaving Molly alone at home. She wasn't even alone; dad would be there with her, and maybe Sue Clearwater could come over for dinner or something. Dad fancied Sue. I think they'd had their flirt over the years. Since my mum and Sue's husband had both died early, they'd sort of found comfort in each other's sorrow. Exactly like Molly and me was supposed to do, and what I ruined. **

**The plane hit the ground on Anchorage airport, Merrill Field, around midday. The sky above me was clear white, filled with snow-ready clouds. The air was chill against my face, but I didn't care. There were too much on my mind already. I didn't make any notice out of it. **

**There was a poster; "WELCOME TO ANCHORAGE" in big, bold letters. It was posted on one of the outside-walls of the great airport building. Surely, it was meant as a greeting, but I didn't feel anything. I was cold. There was nothing about this city that welcomed me, rather pushed me away. **

**I changed form as fast as I could, after leaving the airport. I ran straight to her apartment, as fast as possible, and still tried to be invincible, hidden by all the forests inside the city. There were some trees, but not many, and I had to be careful, anyway how inpatient I was. Nothing was worth the secret to be reviled. **

**The moment I sat my paws at the street Ginger had lived in, I could smell and feel her all around me. Nothing had ever freaked me more out than that experience. I closed my eyes, and just felt the present. It was like she had rubbed her back towards the street, or something. It wasn't possible that her sent could be all over the place, still noticeable 11 months after she'd last been there. **

**I examined the streets. There was no need for me to break into her apartment; it was enough of her sent outside already to follow it through the streets. I followed her through the city, tried not to attract attention of any kind. I was lucky; it seemed like all the people in Anchorage was at work, or school this time of the day. Consider that I actually ran pretty much open down town in a big city, made it was therefore not to much help anyway. I had to be careful, and ran as fast as possible. **

**After 10 minutes of constant sprint, the track stopped and moved into a bar in stead. What had Ginger done in a bar? I could smell a male with her; that better had been Tom. Over the door a big sing was hanging: "Humpy's Great Alaskan Alehouse****". ****After the smell of light and humans, I assumed it was a nightclub or something. **

**But the trail moved on. It followed the road, till it came to a quick end. I was at a dead end. A big, gray house hid the sun from my eyes, and some cars were parked next to the road, but it looked more like they were thrown out over the place. They didn't stand in any pattern, just parked randomly and messy. Some of them were wrecked really badly, and it sparkled in my paws for taking a look on them; all the working really got to me. Sometimes I was thinking about getting another profession; there was not much money in being a car-fixer, but I liked it. **

**I smashed my nose to the ground and inhaled the sent of my daughter. There. It was a different smell, several different smells. It wasn't believable that I hadn't noticed it before. I'd been too deep into the smell of Ginger, and I probably had just blocked everything else out. How stupid I'd been. **

**My nose examined the smells carefully, sending information to my brain. Two men, I could smell to different men, and Ginger. They had been with her, maybe touching her, maybe… Pain shot down my spine; I felt the hair on my entire body rise. I could kill them. I could follow the trail back to their home, find their house, break in, look at them while sleeping motionless in their beds, bend over and rip their throats out. I could smell the blood in my nose, only by the thought of it.**

**The wolf let a growl out, at the same time as my mind did. This had to be the first time in a long time we felt like two creatures. The wolf was so much more than me; he was kind, sensitive, hard, soft, smart, he didn't judge anyone, and he was honest, all at the same time. The reason I wanted so bad to be him, was that he had everything I hadn't, not anymore. It was like Ginger had been the bond that kept us together, but now she was gone, and we were no longer one. He was the calm one, the one I wanted to be, the one I needed to be. He could laugh of everything, and I wanted to laugh with him. **

**There my mind stopped spinning. A new sent had appeared. It was all around the place, just as Ginger was, but at this point, the men stopped being important. This sent, new, strange, familiar in some way. I couldn't seem to point out the source. Oh, where did I have that sent from? It was new, but also quite old in my nose. I had smelled it before, I was certain. That smell, it was a "too sweet to be good"-smell, almost like a little child putting too much sugar in the tea, just 10 times worse. There was no way I had been able to forget that kind of smell. It smelled wrong, dangerous, and more than anything unhealthy. I wondered what kind of creature could've made such a smell. **

**The moment I thought about "creature", only one thing popped into my head; vampire! No, there was no way a vampire could've found Ginger, it couldn't be. **

**My paws started running, my nose low, not taking in anything else than the smell of my once so dead past. I ran, not thinking about anything else than them, and her, and us. I hadn't offered them a thought before the time when Ginger was 12, and started to ask me about us.**

_**iNo, no, no, no, no, no, no!/i**_** I creamed inside my head. This couldn't happen. Suddenly I felt a presence in my head. i**_**Quill?**_**/i I asked, wondering who I felt. But then I saw a well-known girl with three white scars running cross her face, the one person always being inside my leader's head. i**_**Sam,**_**/i I said evenly, as if there was nothing special about him and I phasing at the same time. It was, really. I couldn't remember him being wolf in a long time, since Ginger was gone, actually. It had been nearly as hard on him as it had been on me, knowing how it was to be hurt so deeply. Even though there were more of the pack that had imprinted, I thought he was the one who loved his wife more than anyone of us other before, because what he'd done to her. But I knew how he felt, it was almost the same as with Molly and me these days; I would do anything for her to make everything better, and heal my mistakes. **

**He heard my thoughts, and hissed back in a reflex.**

**i**_**Jacob! What's going on?/i**_** he said, aware of my state of mind. It took him seconds to read my thoughts, and find out on his own. i**_**Is this wise, Jacob? You don't know what you will find,/i **_**he tried to hide his excitement about it, but it wasn't easy. He was just as eager as me to find my daughter, and he was aware of what might be coming, just the way I was. **

**i**_**I'll deal with it, I just need to know!/i**_** I said, clenching my teeth and letting a growl out. I was so worried. **

**i**_**I can come with you, if you need me,/i**_** he sounded startled with me going there alone, something I wasn't used to. **

_**iIt's okay, my friend, I can handle it! I'll promise to call for you if I need help killing some vampires, though,/i **_**I tried smiling, or smiling with my thoughts, but nothing helped. Neither my mouth nor my mind was in the mood for smiling right now. He too stayed serious, didn't seem like he enjoyed the joke much. **

**i**_**It's going to be okay, Jacob!/i **_**he said, trying to ease me with his most secure voice. **

**i**_**Exactly how?/i **_**I asked. He had no answer on that one, and spoke therefore no more to me. I didn't need his thoughts; it only made me panic more. He had phased back, I think; I didn't hear anything more after that.**

**The smell started moving, so I followed. **

**I followed the tracks southeast out of the city, next to a road called "Old Seward Hwy". The name was written in big letters on a road-description I passed just before I crossed Anchorage's boundary-line. **

**As I followed the scent I started thinking about what would happen, what I would think, or what I would do if Ginger really had been found by the vampires. Would she be alive? Dead, probably. I couldn't be sure if it was the Cullen's I'd spotted, it wasn't like the vampires had a scent of their own, if it even was a vampire at all. I wasn't sure of anything at this point. It felt like I was blind; I had nothing to rely on and it made me insecure.**

**My paws kept the same pattern as always. Left Fore paw, right fore paw, left back paw, right back paw. It flowed like a wave thought the body, and then build back up to start over again. It was like all the motions were connected into one, whole motion, and it there was no way to stop it as it went on. **

**I followed the road along the sea a long time; the sent didn't seem to have any problems with keeping the speed up. It never stopped, just kept the same straight path through the forest. The nature here was pretty wide; I could smell several birds, and some animals, small mammals mostly. If I had to admit it, Alaska had always been a pretty fascinating to me, and I had always wanted to go there, therefore it had been both nice and scary that Ginger had choosed to study here. I wish I'd been able to come here in another circumstance. I wondered where I was headed, and what would meet me there. **

**Suddenly, after I didn't know how long time, the sent took a turn left, past some cabins, probably placed there for people to go hiking or something, but I couldn't see the meaning of someone hiking in Alaska; the nature was all around, even inside the cities. I followed annoyed; couldn't it just stop somewhere and give me some results? The one thing I'd been my entire life was impatient, I'd never been able to wait for something to come to me, I was always too curious. **

**I kept this tempo a long time, longer than I bothered thinking about, but my inner clock said I had been running for about an hour. Curious how fast the time passes when you have so much to think about.**

**The landscape was really beautiful out here. There were open fields, covered with the greenest grass I'd ever seen. The tree's seemed to be placed all around, because they didn't stand in big groups, but two or three at the largest out on the fields. Different winds blew up around me and carried with them the cleanest smells I'd got in my nose in a long time, some seconds I even forgot about Ginger and the track. That was wrong. I shouldn't have allowed my-wolf-me to be so easily distracted in that way. I should be able to control my needs more than that. What could he want more than this; to just run free, as fast as we liked, and as long as we liked? He should be following me for a change, he owed me that much. It was his daughter too, and he loved her just as much as I did. **

**We were more i**_**one/i**_** than I liked to think about, the only thing that kept us apart was his instinct, that he was a wolf, and that I was a human and used my brain a whole different way than he did. It was so much easier to cooperate with each other and become one than being two individuals in one and the same body. His intellect and instinct, and my brain, it was so complete.**

**I didn't notice before my phase slowed down and was turned into a slow trot, rather than a sprint, that it was a white house in front of me. My heart started to drum, harder and harder for every step I took closer to the house. Ka-dunk-dunk. Ka-dunk-dunk. Ka-dunk-dunk. My head nearly exploded by the sound of it, and my breathing came heavily from my mouth and nose.**

**The house was so clean, so beautiful, and so big, nothing like any of the cabins I'd ran past just minutes before. And her sent! It was all over the place! Why was it all over the place? I clenched my teeth together, as hard as I could manage. The drum of my heart beat in my head, and I tried to block it out. It hurt, it hurt so badly in my chest. It couldn't be, for crying out loud! It wasn't happening! **

**If it was ever meant for me to have a heart attack, this was the perfect circumstance for God to play his part in this psycho game of his. **

**I stepped up the first front step, my paw hesitated on the second, not sure if I was willing to step up or turning around and run. I didn't move, I stoop perfectly still, not a single thought left my mouth as a bark or even a whimper. But he heard, he always did. **

**As I stood there at the steps, bowing my head for all the thoughts running me crazy inside my mind, the door opened slowly. I used some minutes to find the confident I needed to lift my head and see the one vampire I hated more than anything in this world, in the face. **

**He stood there, motionless, his eyes weighing me from my paws till the tips of my ears. As I remembered his face was completely motionless, just as his body language. He was not surprised, well, I knew he could read thoughts, but I had expected something more surprise in his face. **

**i**_**Edward,/i**_** I thought, and he nodded as a reply.**

"**What an unexpected surprise," he said, with little feeling in his tone. I whined lightly as an approval. **

**Then I heard the most beautiful voice I'd ever heard in my entire life. It was light, deep and shimmering at the same time, as if it was spoken over lips of an angel. **

"**Eddy, who's at the door? If it's Tanya I'm gonna kill you for not letting me prepare myself!" her laughter lingered in the hallway, and my mind nearly exploded by the impatience the two seconds that went past from the angel words were spoken till I saw her indescribable face. I went week in my knees; she wasn't my baby anymore. She was beautiful! **

"**Hi, Jacob," she said as she saw my face, and her entire expression went blank. My eyes went black, nothing skipped past the blur in them. The only think I thought was, kill. **

**/b**


	7. Why bother thinking

7.

Why bother thinking about someone you'll ever see again? 

It's a good question…

b

**I entered the laundry room, which was place next to my room. I planed to take a bath, and had to grab a clean towel before I did so. My mood was gloomy today, and nothing eased it better than a long, hot bath. The room was so tidy, like Esme liked it, nothing like a laundry room was supposed to look like. She had sorted out every color, placed the piles next to each other at the counter next to the washing machine, and she was washing them after some kind of order. After washing, she placed the items in another pile, this time ordered after which person the items was own by. It was pretty amazing how she never broke the routine. I wouldn't ever been able to do something that clean and straight, as everyone in this house seemed to do all the time. **

**I walked over the floor to the counter, to look for some towel in my pile of clean items. I had to really dig. It was incredible how much clothes I'd let Alice buy for to me. She always insisted that the thing she had brought was perfect to me, and every time I denied it she came up with the silly "Have I ever been wrong before?" and she insisted me to try it on, and of course she was right. **

**A hand came up in front of me, with a big, green towel hanging from it.**

"**Looking for something, are we?" Emmett asked, and dumped down on the counter so all the piles were ruined, and mixed up with all the other colors. **

"**You know, Esme, or at least Alice, will kill you for that?" I smiled cruelly. He shrugged.**

"**Nah, not really. They just come up with empty threats, anyway," **

**He dropped the towel on the top of it, and then he smiled, like there was something he couldn't wait to make fun of me with. The two dimples on either sides of his mouth appeared, and gave him a more grown look than he deserved. **

**He picked up a bra from my pile, and started studying it. I made my lips as a straight line over my face; it felt like I was blushing. Couldn't he stop being a dumb ass all the time?**

"**Give me that!" I grabbed the bra and placed it as long under all my clothes, as my hand could possibly manage. Someone with his sense of 'humor' should have something on his or her faces, saying something like 'DON'T TAKE ME SERIOUS', or 'SLAPP ME IF I'M BEING OFFENDING', or something like that. But he was really cute when he smiled, cuter than I would ever admit. But I didn't care; I wasn't in the mood for funny-ness. **

"**I was just wondering, isn't there like Eskimo's in Norway?" Emmett said in the funny-tone he always used when he made fun of me.**

" **I don't know, don't think so. It's not like I'm a huge fan of Norway, and I've never been there either. What's the big deal, Em?" I was sick of his ever-lasting try to make me mad at him, or breaking his nose, or be funny, or whatever he was trying on. **

"**No, nothing. I just wondered, you know. Being cranky today, huh?" **

"**Let it go, Em, I'm not going to let you fooling me into blow your head of," I said in an ignorant voice. "It'll hurt, you know, even if you're like 90 years older and me," **

"**And a muscular guy. You shouldn't forget that one!" I made a face, and sighed. It wasn't like I cared about what he was saying. He was always like that to me. **

"**Whatever," I said, and grabbed the towel to walk out of the room. He followed me with the smug smile on his lips. It drove me crazy. I was sure it was the day "Make Ginger as mad as possibly viable"-day of the week, and it was already getting on my nerves. **

**As I reached the bath door, I spun around and grabbed his chin.**

"**Ok, listen to me: You will leave me alone for the rest of the day, or I'll break you chin! Don't want that to happen, do we?" I said with my sweetest voice, and stroke his chin slightly as I let it go. "We're clear?" I said as I closed the bathroom door behind me. Finally! Some peace. **

**I sighed and stripped myself before climbing into the bathtub. I pulled up the lever and twisted it all over to the left, the hot side. I looked at the little screen on the one arm lean and counted with it up to 80****o**** C, and sighed again. The water was so relaxing on my body, hot, smooth and relaxing. There was nothing like it at all. **

**My mind started wondering off. It was the 5****th**** of February today. Wow, the time had passed too fast. It was almost a year since I'd died. How strange. It felt like decades since that day, rather than months. I didn't like the idea. Today, my mother was 37 years, and I was not there to give her a hug, jump into her bed with my eyes full of excitement, because I never knew if she would like my present or not, like I'd always used to do when I was younger. I missed her sympathy-filled eyes every time I explained how fun it was to feel like a freak at school. I missed her laugh by the dinning table, every time dad kissed her neck or blew her ear. I missed the tears in her eyes every time we watched Romeo and Juliet over and over again, so many times both our eyes were red of the crying. I missed her deep, intense rationality and I would never see her again. **

**That was the reason I was blue today. I'd done nothing but thinking about her, about our life together and how insanely I missed her. But of course Emmett had to come make everything worse than it already was. **

**I pushed my head under the surface of the water. I opened my eyes and sighed, so all the bubbles that were left in me escaped to the air above the water and me. The surface looked beautiful from this angle. The waves moved the light back and forth underneath the surface of the thin line that kept our distance. Dark blue and light blue shifted over me in different shades and shapes as the water moved back and forth from my motion. Something so beautiful shouldn't be gazed at by something as monstrous as me.**

**I closed my eyes, and only listened to the sound of the slight movement in the water. Another beautiful thing about the water. The sound was so fragile.**

**But then it changed. A bump sound appeared. I jumped out of the water, to find Jasper standing in front of me. My eyes grew big and I grasped for my shirt, which was lieing right behind my feet. I got it up before a second had passed, but that was also part of a second too late. He had already seen me. **

**His expression was just above blank, but it was there. He was embarrassed. Not to talk about me! Had he never heard about something called knocking? I was going to kill him, whenever I found my voice again. My teeth were clenched together, while I considered what was the best thing to do. **

**We stood like that about 3 seconds, frozen, both embarrassed and not quite sure what to say to the other. It felt like a minute passed before either of us found anything to say.**

"**What are you doing here?" we said at the same time. **

"**I tried to take a bath!" I tried to stare at him with serious eyes, but he couldn't keep his gaze still.**

"**I'm so sorry, I wasn't aware…" he started in his normal, polite tone, but then hesitated. His eyes flinched between the bathtub and me some seconds. "Why?" he then asked. His eyes looked at me with a confused expression. Of all the Cullen's, Jasper was the one I had most problem being natural around. He, and Bella maybe. They were so distanced whenever I tried to speak with either of them. I didn't know what the problem was for Jasper, though I kept asking Edward about Bella. "Bella… she have problems with the fact that Carlisle changed you, considering that you are the first one she have seen becoming… one of us," He was careful by the choice of words, not that it mattered to me. "Vampire" wasn't a word I had difficulties with pronouncing. Dad, or parent on the other hand, those were pretty sensitive subjects for me. **

**I shrugged. **

"**I like the hot water," was the only thing I could think of. He grinned, looking more natural. Well, as natural as a vampire of his state could. **

"**Seriously?" he said, eyes still scanning between the water and me. It almost sounded like he was amused. **

"**You have a problem with that?" I asked, confused by his set of tone, and at the same time pleased by the fact he at all bothered to use time on me. His grin widened and it almost looked like he had a hard time keeping himself serious. **

"**Cranky today, huh?" it was at the exact same tone as Emmett had given me. I frowned. **

"**You've been talking to Em, haven't you?" my nose sniffed angrily. Why was everyone out to get me today, of all days? **

**Jasper shook his head. **

"**Should I?" I rolled my eyes and sighed.**

"**I guess not. But when did you start to sound like your brother?" His eyes widened with acted surprise.**

"**I do?" he said with a way too fake voice. **

"**I'm glad you've never tried out as an actor. You would probably get a price as 'Most hot blond' or something, but the audience would bore their butts off considering your lines." I shrugged, and then started laughing. For my big surprise he actually started laughing with me. I'd seriously never talked to him like this, and we had been living in the same house for 11, stinky months. Almost a year. Almost a year since I changed. Almost a year since I'd been a human. Almost a year since… dad.**

**After that Jasper had gone so I could change into some clothes. I don't realize I had been standing in front of him several minutes without any clothes, only a shirt covering up. **

**I stopped in front of the glass door, hesitated. What should I say? 'Hey, Carlisle! Feel like playing a shrink, because 2 of your sons are making fun of me and its making me sick, and I suddenly felt like talking about my parents?' I didn't think so. But it wasn't like I had any choice. I did, of course, but I needed his advice and I was sick of being so troubled all the time. **

**I had raised my hand to knock when the phone rang. I sighed and picked it up. It was placed at a little table on the left side of the door. **

"**Yea'llo?" I said and placed the phone between my shoulder and ear. **

"**Hello?" a fragile, yet powerful voice said on the other side. "Alice?"**

"**Sorry, I'm Ginger. I could call for her if she is the one you want to talk to." I said apologizing, and pulled down the phone to make it easier for me to tell Alice to come. **

"**No, it's okay! I'm Tanya, by the way. Actually I just called to hear how it is with everybody, and to ask if we could come over. Could you give me Carlisle, please?" Tanya's voice was graceful and polite when she talked to me. I understood from her tone that she was another vampire, but I hadn't decided if she was a 'vegetarian' or not. **

"**Of course!" I said. I placed one hand over the phone and knocked at the door I was standing next to. "Carlisle?" I asked carefully. He was one of the most optimistic 'persons' about his work I'd ever known, and I wasn't willing to disturb him. **

"**Yes, Ginger?" he said with his 'doctor voice'. It was what I called it. He sounded so sure of himself, so kindhearted and so wise, just like a good doctor should, aka 'doctor voice'. **

"**Tanya's at the phone. She'll like to talk to you," Carlisle opened the door and took the phone carefully from my hands. His expression was grateful and calm as always.**

"**Thank you, Ginger!" **

"**Who's Tanya?" I whispered as I handed him the phone.**

"**I'll tell you later, okay?" he said, and moved the phone to his ear and started speaking with the beautifully voiced female vampire. They spoke a long time, and I found nothing better to do than stand next to them and listen to what she was saying. The tempo of their voices was fast, and it seemed to me like they had a lot to catch up on. **

"**Eddy?" I said. I'd felt a slight movement just behind my back, and spun around. He stood there, looking anxiously at Carlisle. His expression changed slightly as I said his name.**

"**I wish you would stop calling me that," he frowned, but a little, crocked smile was hid on his lips. I frowned even harder than he did, and tried to look like he had offended me.**

"**Just pretend like you don't like it," I said, but lost the mask when he raised a finger to push the tip of my nose up. My laugh snort was high and it seemed to startle Carlisle who'd been occupied by the conversation with this Tanya. "It's not like I don't know that you like it!" I pushed my shoulders up and turned my head slightly to the left, while grinning smugly. The funny part was that I knew I was right, and he did too. **

"**Ha-ha!" Edward faked a laugh. "You are so sweet, I must say, Ginny!" this time his smile was totally honest, even though his tone was ironic. **

"**I know!" I said and grinned even wider. "But that Tanya girl, who's she?" I asked, my voice and expression questioning. He shrugged. **

"**She's the leader of the Denali-coven. I'm not sure if you've heard of them before," I shock my head. I hadn't, and I was starting to be concerned about the fact of more vampires. How many were they? Or we? Or whatever was the right thing to say.**

"**But if there is another coven, does that mean… how many vampires are there... we? In the world, I mean?" He made a face. I was not completely sure what it meant. **

**Right then Carlisle said goodbye to Tanya, and he turned to us. We were both standing facing one another. He turned to Edward, who met his gaze with a blank expression.**

"**Son?" he said, but them Edward smiled.**

"**Ginger would like to know how many vampires there is in this world," he said in a voice, which almost sounded amused. "Maybe you should get take that one?" and so he did. **

**Carlisle told me everything I needed to know about the vampires and their history. He told me about the Denali, how the Voltury had killed Tanya's mother, about the Voltury and how they kept order, about their laws, about Jasper's life as a worrier, about the newborns and the wars that had happened behind human's backs all along. He told me more precisely about Alice' –well, what he knew about it-, Rosalie's, Emmett's, Esme's and his own story. I already knew Edward's, so that wasn't in any need. It sounded so weird. Every teeny little part of the story that no human knew anything about. It was breath taking.**

**After telling me about all those things, he went quiet and looked for my reaction, which I more or less had already given in during the whole lecture. It took me some seconds to absorb all that… information. It was too much for my human part, or what had been human. **

**It was locked in my mind all day, even though the thoughts of mum went on and on inside my head. Everything felt strange and out of order, and I think I finally got the fact that I was never going to see my family again. Not that that made me think less of them, it was after all mum's birthday. This big, black hole inside me grew only larger and larger. It was so unfair. I could feel the pressure and aching behind my eyes, which I had so many times before. **

"**Are you okay, Ginny?" Edward's gaze was filled with honest worry, something I didn't appreciate much. He sat down on the right side of me on the couch. I was lieing with my legs over the back lean of the couch while my back rested on the pillows and my head hanging down towards the floor, a posture I really enjoyed. My earplugs were deep in my ear while Pink sang, "****I'm alright, I'm just fine. And you're a tool... So so what?.." on my brand new iPod, which Edward had given me. Apparently he meant I needed it more than he did. And in some way I guess he was right. **

"**What do you mean, Eddy?" I asked him as I pulled the left one out of my ear. He shrugged, like he wasn't sure what to answer. His expression was blank as always.**

"**Is there any other reason that you for the past 3 hours have been lieing here, listening to 'So What', 'Be without you' and 'You raised me up' at least 30 times each?" he said and turned his head slightly to the left. I went quiet as Mary J. Blige started singing, "I wanna be with you, gotta be with you, need to be with you..." in my right ear. **

"**Why do you care? What if I'm just really fan of those songs right now?"**

"**Don't make a fool out of yourself, Ginny. You're most played songs are 'Eyes on fire' and 'Precious Things'. Since when did you start listening to depressive songs? That's more Rosalie's style,"**

"**EDWARD!! Since when did I listen to 'You raised me up'? Don't be disgusting!" Rosalie snapped from upstairs. Edward rolled his eyes, but turned back to me. **

"**Good point," I said. **

"**The point is..." Edward started, ignoring my enthusiastic tone "I know there is something you're keeping from me, and I don't appreciate that, so would you be so kind to tell me what it is?" **

"**What do you expect me to say? I don't know why I suddenly felt like listening to depressive songs. It's just the way it is," my voice raised in volume until I was nearly screaming the words out. **

"**Are you sure? What's the birthday of your mother?" he then said. It caught me off guard, and I didn't know what to say. For 1 and a half second I struggled to find the right lie, but he noticed my hesitation.**

"**That was what I thought," he whispered and suddenly I stretched my arms out to throw them around his neck. He caught me and hugged me tightly to his chest. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to cry, I wanted to cry tears, real tears, but I knew that wasn't possible. What was wrong with me? **

"**Edward, do you bother to open the door? There's someone there for you," Alice eyed Edward with a gaze I wasn't quite sure what meant. **

"**I know," he replied and got up and out to open the door. He was now out of sight now. I heard him saying hello to someone, but I could see or hear whom. I got up from Alice bed, where we had been lieing and playing cards, to go check it out myself.**

"**Ginger, finish your game," Alice said with a laugh, but I noticed the lack of humor in her eyes. I didn't obey. **

"**Eddy, who's at the door? If it's Tanya I'm gonna kill you for not letting me prepare myself!" I laughed as I got down the stairs to see who he stood face to face with. It was… my father! Jacob Black in his wolf form. WHAT THE HELL WAS HE DOING HERE?!**

"**Hi, Jacob," was all my dry lips and dead mind could produce right then. I didn't even have the guts to say "dad". **

6


	8. This is my father

**8.**

**This is my father**

"**Hi Jacob," What the hell was I thinking? No, what the hell was he doing here? I wasn't prepared for this. How could he just… just… appear on our front porch like that?**

**Dad's eyes were locked on me for almost 30 seconds before he reacted in a way I couldn't really blame him for. He saw red.**

**He jumped forward, heading for Edward's face, but Edward had already foreseen this move in my father's head and moved out of his reach. I was frozen, even more shocked than he seemed to be. With a coil of his giant body, the wolf had turned around, and was faced with Edward once again. They circled each other for half a second, sizing the other one up, before they hurled themselves at one another.**

**Alice, Rosalie, Carlisle, Jasper and Emmett ran past me, towards Edward and dad. I felt a pair of arms around my waist as Esme clung herself to me in anxiousness. She did apparently not like fights. But I didn't take much notice of her. I was too busy watching my dad fight off and trying to kill my other family, who was only trying to save each other. I was terrified.**

**By this point Emmett and Jasper had gotten a strong grip around the big wolf's neck, while he tried desperately to reach for them with the long, deadly claws on his paws. Rosalie sat on Emmett's back while grabbing around dad's head, trying to close his mouth.**

"**What is going on?" Jasper shouted at Edward.**

"**Yeah, what the hell is he doing here?" Emmett continued. Edward looked troubled. His eyes were flickering between everyone, and he seemed lost some seconds before finding the right words.**

"**He's here for Ginger," his gaze landed on me, his eyes cold and serious. Everyone's eyes got up to look at Edward, and then at me. The lack of attention for this brief second was the opportunity he was looking for.**

**Dad snapped his head free from Rosalie's arms and with one paw he pushed Emmett and Jasper off his back. All this happened too fast for anyone to react, anyone except me, who until now had been frozen.**

**As dad made a new sprint towards Edward, I jumped towards him. My hands hit his chest and blocked him.**

"**STOP THIS!" I screamed. He stopped, as if he became insecure of the situation. We stood like that for over a minute. I stared into his dark, dark eyes, and tried to ease my expression, maybe to make him recognize me. Even though I wasn't his little girl anymore, he would always be my father. I stretched out my arms and hugged them around his neck. I buried my face in his long fur, and felt the heat of his body.**

"**Dad, it's still me," I whispered, wishing that the others could not hear, but that was too much to ask for. They were after all vampires.**

**I hugged myself harder to him, and buried my face deeper in his fur, dragging in his familiar scent. But something caught me off guard. I sniffed. Something was wrong, but I couldn't precisely point out what. I sniffed again, and then it hit me; he smelled absolutely horrible. What happened to the smell of my dad? No, no, no, no, I didn't want to loose that scent! It was the only thing I had left from my human life! What was wrong with me? He smelled like a wet dog, only ten times worse.**

"**Edward!" I heard Alice hiss behind me. "Explain!" her voice was confused and uneven, as she tried to understand all that had happened. I didn't concentrate at them, all I could think about was my father. Suddenly he changed back to his human form. I was surprised he was calm enough all ready. Maybe he wanted to hold me as much as I wanted to hold him. Anyhow, after less than a second my arms were no longer wrapped around the neck of a beast, but around the waist of my father. He tightened me to his body, and his heat gave me tears in my eyes.**

"**Can someone please tell me what the hell's going on?" Emmett's stupid voice had to ruin it all. It took me grave concentration to let go of dad, now that I finally had him with me, but I had to. I turned slowly away from him to face the vampires.**

"**God! Cover up!" Rosalie rolled her eyes at dad, as he now had no clothes after being a wolf. Edward grinned, but took off his shirt to throw it in his face. Dad caught it and tied it around his waist.**

"**You all must be pretty confused right now," I wasn't sure how to start. I didn't really know what to say. To make it all worse, my eyes were completely glazed over, and I wished I could just cry all the stupid tears out. I could feel my breathing hitching, and I stopped my breath all together, trying to keep myself calm through this emotional hell. "This, everyone…" I had to stop and start over again. My voice had no strength to keep it up the first time.**

"**Dearest, Esme! Lovely, Alice! Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie… This is my father, Jacob Black. Now, the reason that I didn't mention Edward and Carlisle is because they already know," I looked down as all the eyes turned to Edward and his father.**

"**EDWARD!" Alice sounded so disappointed, like everyone had known it all along, everyone except her. "Ginger…" this time she was just crushed, like I was the one person she had depended on and now I had let her down. I wanted to take her to me and explain to her she was not the only one. That it was not because of the lack of trust that I hadn't told her, but that I wasn't ready for everyone to know. She wouldn't be mad at me for all eternity, right? I hoped not.**

"**Jake…" the beautiful voice, who could only belong to Bella, appeared behind me. Apparently she had been standing there all along, maybe as choked as I was. It must've been hard on her, seeing her old best friend, whom she hadn't seen in 22 years.**

"**Jacob… Jacob Black! My Jacob!" she sighed, but didn't move an inch. She was afraid. I could see it on her face, her body. She was terrified, maybe of herself or maybe because of him. She hadn't seen him in a long time. Whatever she was, she was insecure. She stood there, motionless staring at my dad with eyes filled with changing emotions.**

**After a second or two, dad answered her with a weak voice.**

"**Hi, Bells. You look… good," he grinned as he said the last word, knowing 'good' wasn't exactly the right thing to say. Beautiful or maybe stunning would be a better match.**

"**You don't look too bad, yourself," she managed to press through her clenched teeth. But dad didn't really notice, because his mind had other matters to think about. Matters like me.**

"**Who changed her?" he then said, his voice hard and serious. It was a whole different tone than the one he'd just used seconds ago. The entire atmosphere had suddenly shifted drastically. "I want to know, because it'll make it a lot easier for me. It would be a struggle to kill all of you,"**

"**We'll see about that, you filthy dog,"**

"**Emmett!" Esme said harshly, and put her hand on Emmett's shoulder, to calm him down, and, if necessary, hold him back.**

"**I did," Carlisle said, meeting Jacob's eyes with a steady and grateful gaze, and I was sure his 'doctor voice' was the only thing that kept dad from ripping his head off right away. That, and the fact that Jacob respected Carlisle; I could see it in the way he moved around him. Like a wolf he moved suspiciously, but still calmly closer, taking in the scent and strength of another animal he knew was a threat, but still an admired rival.**

"**Yeah, I guess it was you. Tell me why you did so? Why did you take the life away from my daughter?" I felt like laughing at him right then. 'Take the life away'… I was going to live hundreds of years longer than I usually would have, and he said 'take the life away'? It was a ridiculous choice of words, but I couldn't blame him. To him I was dead, I would never be the Ginger I once had been: the cranky, creepy girl who loved being different. I bet I still was kind of different. Maybe it would've been best if I hadn't been changed; apparently I wasn't meant for this world, human nor vampire. **

"**It's not Carlisle's fault! It's mine, but I only took her to him because I was sure she was going to die!" Alice said in despair. Her expression showed ****regret, something that really hurt me. "She was so beautiful, and I just thought it would be a… a waist to let something like her leave so early."**** I think I was the only one who didn't manage to keep my poker face. My mouth slipped open. That Alice thought I was too beautiful to die was really surprising me. I would never have thought about that. I mean, she was a little angel, an angel with pixie cut, and I couldn't seem to realize how she could've thought I was beautiful, compared to Rosalie, compared to herself. It was stupid. **

"**Alice!" Edward said, his voice hard. **

"**No, it is the truth, and if he need to be mad at someone, be mad at me," **

"**That's a small loss," my dad said, as if he really considered killing her. "Sure, she's cute, but I think you'll live with that." He changed, but this time I saw red. I wanted to smash his skull inn for just saying something like that about my sister. We all loved her so much, but Jasper loved her more.**

**Before a second passed he was by her side, pulling her close to his body. I could se his muscles tightening; ready to fight for the life of his love. A growl rumbled in his chest. I got chills down my spine. I'd never seen him this way before, maybe because no one ever wanted to kill the sweet, little wife of his. It was perfectly understandable. **

"**Don't you dare!" Jasper snapped, while another growl filled the air between them. He bowed down and kissed Alice' neck, before he swiftly pushed her behind him and out of the big wolfs reach. **

**But he wasn't alone about wanting to protect the little pixie-vampire. Next to him Esme, Carlisle and Rosalie placed themselves. Emmett and Edward stood 1 meter in front of them, all ready to protect their family member. **

**I sighed, but I didn't hesitate. I ran to him, jumped up and hit the top of his head with my fist, before he even noticed my movement. He fell over me, changing back to human before I caught him in my arms. I shrugged while sighing as I carried dad into the house and put him carefully down on the couch. I kissed his forehead, slowly, feeling the heat against my skin, as I loved.**

**I stayed with my dad almost all that night. I couldn't get enough of his presence. His heat filled the room fast, but it wasn't like I cared. The thing troubling me was the smell. I could stand to be in the room about 30 minutes at a time, then I needed to go outside for a couple of minutes, catch some fresh air and get my thoughts around other things. **

**Because it wasn't just his smell that bothered me, it was his blood. Yes, I was his daughter, but it didn't stop my mind from running wild with the hunger. It was terrible, just imagine you thinking about pressing your teeth and lips against the smooth skin of your father, feeling the heart beat more and more blood into your mouth. I'd bet I even got a little sick from the thought. It was close some times, though. If not Bella had been there next to me most of the time, I was sure I would've done things I would regret.**

"**How is he?" Bella asked about noon the next day. "I mean, how was he like when you lived with him." **

"**He's more or less himself," I answered, and used some seconds to think about my answer. "Well, I guess that depend on how you remember him," I wasn't quite sure how to talk to Bella; I couldn't make up my mind about her. She was so distant whenever she was with Edward. Lost in love, I suppose.**

"**He was my best friend. The guy I could talk about everything with, except my love to Edward, of course," she smiled with lost memories in her eyes. "We always laughed when we were together. He made my life possible. I could always trust him to be there for me, and we loved each other, even though I never paid him back the love he wanted from me, but I loved him as a friend, and I think deep inside he knew that and excepted," she was quiet for a moment, tightening her eyebrows in frustration.**

"**You know, I haven't thought about him in almost 20 years, and I've been satisfied with that. And then you come along… the beautiful, dark girl, whom so tragically lost her life and opportunities, and all this time I couldn't think of anyone else than my dearest friend. Your dark hair, your expressions, your athletic body-shape, your overall character. It made me somehow keep a distance from you, all because you reminded me of your father. How pathetic," she looked at her hands as she spoke, and that was only perfect for me, because she might've thought I was retarded or something if she had seen the expression on my face. "I hope you're not too mad at me for that, Ginger. I know Edward like you a lot, but still I couldn't make myself even try, I was too afraid of the memories I'd locked away. It was a reason for the lock-away, in the first place, you know."**

**I couldn't believe what she said. She had recognized my dad's characters in me. How was that even possible? I didn't even look anything like him, except then again my hair and skin-tone. **

"**Of course, Bella, I don't blame you. You are not the first one to take distance from me, just so you know," I chuckled, shrugged. It was of course not true, I did blame her for not interfering more, but it was wrong. I knew I would've done the same thing, it was just wrong.**

"**But Edward told me you didn't like me because…" I stopped to talk to find the right words to say. Somehow I was afraid it would seem like a stupid thing to say.**

**She leaned forward in the sofa, curious what her beloved had said about her. Suddenly I was jealous of her. She had her Edward, while I had nothing at all. I had no Tom, I had no dad, I had no anybody, except Alice of course, but that was another matter. And she had her Jasper also. I knew that fact, I had always been aware of it, it just hadn't been such a problem to me 'till now. I was the loneliest person in this house, and I couldn't do anything about it. **

"**Yes?" Bella said, after a long second of waiting for me to recover my sentence. **

"**He didn't say you didn't like me, he said you had problems considering me being the first vampire you had seen being changed, or something like that. I didn't understand much, and I must admit I didn't really like you either, so I don't think I really cared what the reason was." I looked down at my hands, embarrassed to tell her these things. **

**If I'd been human I wouldn't have cared if people knew if I liked them or not, the Cullen's was going to be my new family, or sort of, and I couldn't hate my family. That was just wrong. The most important thing in my life was my family, and even though it wasn't my family it was a family, and any family was better than non at all. **

"**Oh, well, I don't really blame you for that. I haven't been righteous to you, Ginger, and I don't deserve better," she bit her lip, looking regretful at me. I stretched out to touch her hand as a calming gesture, but she flinched away. I pulled my hand automatically back at once. Our eyes weighted each other for some seconds, before she finally dropped her eyes and sighed. **

"**I'm so sorry, Ginger, there's nothing wrong with you, it's just still pretty weird for me." She studied her hands a swiftly moment before her eyes snapped up at me again. "Tell me about your mother," she said then, sharp and awake, like nothing else in the world interested her more.**

"**Yeah, okay, if you'll really like to know," I started out. **

"**Yes, I'll like to know!"**

**I wasn't sure where to start. I thought about it for half a minute, and decided I would start when Bella had left with the Cullen's. When I started to speak she was sharp and a curious look played on her face, but as I moved forward with my dad' misery, her face tightened and her eyebrows narrowed slightly. She didn't enjoy listening to this, I could see that, but I couldn't skip that part.**

**We sat on the couch, facing each other. Both sat with one leg curled up under us and leaning our elbow on the knee of the other leg, which was placed up straight, our heads held up by the arm with the leaning elbow. It must've been looking as we had the nicest little chat or maybe a slumber party, telling each other about the cutest guys at school. The only trouble with that fact was that I didn't go to any school. All the others did, except Carlisle, who of course had his job and Esme, who loved to stay home with me, and keep me company. I loved Esme, she was the most lovable person I had ever known, but she couldn't be compared to my mother. That was an impossible compare. They were both lovable, beautiful women, but on their own ways. Esme was the mother figure of the house and everyone, but mum was my mum and nothing could be compared to your own mother. Nothing. **

**I was now at the point where mum and dad met for the very first time. He imprinted and she was lost forever. Sometimes I was wondering if their love would've been the same if they had met like every normal couple did. It was almost as they had cheated, cheated the "in love"-feeling and stepped right into "Soul-mates", "Love of my life" and all that stuff. Yes, definitely cheating. **

"**Oh, how lucky he met her. I don't know what I would've done if I knew he had never met anyone for him, jut because of me. It sounds so selfish, but he really was lost in me, and I was somehow lost in him too. It was wrong, because I had Edward, and would always love him more than anything, forever, and we both knew that. It was our hopeless love, and as I look at him now I can feel it, but it's too long ago and he has moved on, at least from the thought of something more than friendship. I could see it in his eyes, he only loved me as a friend yesterday, but you… he loved you with all his heart, I could see that, and that he would kill Alice because of that… because of you… It was breathtaking, Ginger!" **

**If I'd been able to, I could bet that I would be crying by now. It was a relief that he still loved me like that, but I couldn't imagine how hard it had been for them both, if his reaction was to kill the little, innocent Alice. **

**I spun around as a hand touched my shoulder. **

5


	9. All things must come to an end

**9.**

**All things must come to an end, **

**but something new always linger**

**Edward's eyes weighted me anxiously.**

"**Ginger. How are you doing?" I shrugged. I had changing emotions inside and I wasn't quite sure which one to rely on. **

**I got up. The air inside the room was too hard on me, and I needed a moment for the fresh air to blow through my mind and clear things up, all the things Bella and I had said to each other, all the things that had happened. As I walked out the veranda-door, Alice' delicate hand slid into mine, and tightened around it. She got up on her tiptoes and kissed my cheek. I smiled shyly to her; I didn't know what to say, or what she was going to say to me for that matter. **

"**I love you, Ginger," she whispered. We stood leaning towards the veranda railing, the sun shining off of our skin. In the sun she truly looked like a little angel. Nothing could be compared to her. It had to look more natural for her skin to shine like that than mine. My skin was russet dark. It must've looked completely ridiculous. **

"**Now, why would you say something like that?" I asked, a bit hypocritical I think. **

"**Because I do,"**

"**No, why would you say something like that in a tone that says: 'I owe you my life' or whatever?" I pursed my lips, narrowed my eyebrows, and tried to look disturbed. I think she got it.**

"**Well, because I do owe you my life. You saved me by hitting your own father unconscious. Why wouldn't I?" She sounded as if it was the most obvious thing in the universe, and that I was a fool who couldn't see her point.**

"**You don't owe me anything. I love you, Alice, and I wouldn't know what I would've done if he had really killed you. It was better to end it early and make everyone happy," I lowered my gaze and exhaled slowly. It was a harsh way to say it, because he was my father, and I loved him. I loved him more than them, but I loved them too, and I couldn't choose between my two families. **

"**Oh, Ginger. Don't even you believe your own words. You aren't happy, and that's what's bothering me. You see; I do owe you absolutely everything. Without you here I'd probably be dead, or…" she stopped as she tried to realize what she'd been about to say. It was fully and completely senseless, because if I hadn't been here in the first place, my father wouldn't have threatened her. That was clear. I was in the way for everyone, always.**

"**Forget that," she said swiftly, and shock her head as she too saw the fact hidden in her own words. "The point is that you saved my life, and there's nothing you can do about it, like it or not. So now you're stuck with me." She grinned as wide as her little mouth allowed her to. That look on her face made her look even more lovable, even though she meant for it to look like a "I won"-smile. She didn't fool anyone.**

**I forced my lips to curve slightly into a smile, but I didn't see anything funny about her. She was beautiful, and I had almost killed her. I wanted to commit suicide for only putting her in such a situation. No one should threaten such a little angel.**

"**It doesn't matter what you think, Alice, you don't owe me anything!"**

**I spun around as I heard Jacob's breath got heavier. I was at his side on less than 1 second later, clenching his hand as hard as I could without breaking it. His breath had hardened, his heartbeat fastened, and I was terribly afraid that I might be wrong, that he was about to die. Oh, how I would hate myself if I had. It wasn't enough to hurt my own father; I had of course to kill him as well. **

**But he didn't die. After a too long second later he opened his eyes. He stared at me, his eyes perfectly calm for a swift moment. **

"**Ginger, baby," he started clearing his throat as he lifted his head and touched his temples with two fingers, as if his head was aching. "I've had the weirdest dream," he continued, but it took him less than a moment to once again remember the situation and understand his surroundings. He jumped up from the couch, clearly awake now.**

"**Dad, calm down!" I demanded, tired of his shifting temper "you don't want me to knock you unconscious again, do you?" I kept my expression hard, even though my tone had a playful edge to it. I had to restrain myself; all I really wanted to do was clinging myself to him. My entire body longed for his touch, his comfort. But I had to restrain myself; neither my throat nor my heart could bear being near him right now. **

**He sent me a gaze, and it tightened my jaw in pain to see what his entire face was screaming at me. He was cautious, afraid to make me angry. I tightened my hands into fists. They weren't allowed to touch him, not ever. I wanted to smooth his face with them, remove those serious lines between his eyebrows and in the corners of his lips as he pursed them to keep his control. What was wrong about that? He was after all my father, my mortal, werewolf, over tempered father.**

**Edward's hand touched my shoulder, and it was like it released me from our burning gaze'. I opened my hands fiercely with a sighed and turned to go out of the room.**

"**Ginger," dad breathed. And I spun around to meet his gaze again. But before I could scream to him that I was sick and tired of all this shit, he phased to the gigantic wolf. He looked at Edward once, but lowered so his head.**

"**I can't take this anymore," Edward mocked Jacob's voice easily and effortless and it made me want to cry. "I love you, my little sunshine," he continued. I wasn't sure if he meant for to make his voice sound as if Jacob would be saying them out loud himself. "I won't tell your mum, she has enough trouble as it is," as he mentioned mum I wanted to hit something, "and I would ask for you to not seeking us anywhere in the future. I promise this will not be the last time we meet, so please don't. I have too much on my mind and I need to figure out things, and I have a couple of guys I need to kill!" Edward made no attempt to make the joke seem amusing. "Remember me, is the only thing I demand of you! My beautiful Ginger…" he trailed off and the wolf leaped himself through the glass door and heaved himself into the wood, out of sight. **

**The silence kept on after Edward's voice died out. Nobody moved, nobody breathed. I still clenched my fists into place, the only grip of control I had.**

* * *

Yeah so, guys, now its finished!

This was my last chapter in A New World, but it's far from the end of Ginger.

I've decided to give you guys a taste of what's coming up...

**And BTW, just keep those reviews coming, makes me so happy if you'll share your ideas about my work! Thanks!**

**Love to ya'll, CIlove3**

* * *

**Prologue**

Sitting, waiting, it's no easy task when all you are waiting for is some vague sign for the one you love to return. Imagine not knowing where he was, what he was doing, and all you knew were that he had left you to save you. Makes no sense, does it? No, that's exactly it.

Why the heck should he leave when his life was of so much more value than your own? He could at least said it himself, said it out straight: "I'm leaving you!", but it's much, much worse when it's your brother that is the one to tell you. I know what you are thinking; "How could he?", "Doesn't he understand that I love him more than my own life?", "What a traitor?", and my personal favorite: "I'll kill him if I ever see him again!"

Yes, I do understand, that was exactly what I was thinking!


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